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“You deserved a better friend than I was, and I hope you can forgive me.”
She shakes her head as if I’m being ridiculous and tries to remove her hands from mine, but I grip them tighter. I’ll deal with my hives later.
“Two years ago, after graduation, I went to… I wenthometo visit the great Matilda Barclay. And there was this concert, that band you love that sings that song…” I hum it for her, and she smiles, nodding along. “And I thought, ‘What would Raven do?’” I laugh but it’s forced, and she knows it, wincing at the noise. “So, I went with a few friends. Or it wassupposedto be a few friends. It turned out to be just one, and said the others had skipped out. It was going to be a fun night out of the house before I came back to the States and had to show up and be a big girl with my big girl job.
“So, we enter this venue, and we meet the band and then go out to enjoy this concert… I had three drinks… and then I woke up at home. Vomiting. Disoriented. So I showered.” I groan, still able to taste the bile from that morning. “I was in the shower when I started… burning…there.” Her caramel eyes narrow, brows lift just a fragment, and her lips purse together - a look of wrath and fury on her face and God, she looks incredible. Like a goddess gearing up for a battle, ready to slay my enemies. “It took a few months for it all to come back to me but when it did, there was nothing to do. I had washed away the evidence and… it would be his word against mine. You know how men like that… they get away with things like that.”
I shake my head again before shifting my gaze to the ceiling and back to her caramel eyes, so full of concern and anger. Not at me, atwhat happened to me. “I couldn’t even tell my mother. You know Tildy. I skipped out on this boring dinner we were to have with the prime minister and his wife, to go to a concert where…” I suck in a breath. “Where I ended up as a fuckingstatistic.” I sniff, one last tear dropping down my face and I feel it as it makes a pathway and lands on my chest.
“And then… and then I stopped drinking and stopped running and… stopped exercising and slowly but surely became a size fourteen. I’m sure you’ve noticed the weight gain.”
She smiles and lifts her hand to her face, starting at her chin, like a swipe. And I know I know this word.Beautiful.
“I don’twantto be beautiful anymore,” I admit softly, “I don’t want anyone to find me attractive. I don’t want to be looked upon. Or flirted with. I just want to be left alone. To hide. Most days I can barely leave my house. Nobody wanted to do negotiations with my father because I gained so much weight and I thought I was safe but now,” I break out in full sobs, “Now I’m going to have to live with a silly, ugly, stupid boy!” I screech out because that’s the worst part for me. “And he’s an ogre, Ray! Oh my god! Hegruntsat me!”
This makes her tilt her head back and a silent laugh pours out of her. She’s radiant, and if I think hard enough, I can remember what it sounds like.
“I swear it’s his only form of communication. We’ve gone totwocharity galas and the most he’s spoken to me was once to dance,thatmade page seven of theTimes, and the other was to ask me if I wanted another glass of champagne. When I replied I hadn’t even had the first one, he grunted!”
I swear I can hear her cackling in my mind.
“So please, Raven, I’m begging you,pleasebe my maid of honor because I cannot, and Iwill notwalk down the aisle without you by my side.”
She wipes under her eyes from laughing at my misery, sniffs, simply nods, taking my hand in hers, and then places my hand on her cheek where she nestles into it and my heart breaks for my best friend. What they did to her.
More tears well into my eyes, this time from relief and happiness. “Really? You’ll be there?”
Jonas comes out of the closet holding their designer luggage and leans on the handle. She looks at him and blinks, then holds up three fingers. He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll be there. But you’ll have to give her two more plus ones.”
I look at Raven and she waggles her brows with a deviant little smile on her face.
“Oh, you slut!” I squeal excitedly for her. I may not want sex, but I am so happy for her. That she found love in such a hopeless, unromantic, dark era.
Jonas shrugs. “It’s not that uncommon.”
“Who is it?”
Jonas smirks. “I’m sure she’ll tell you what she can later on when it’s safe.”
The word alerts me, but I understand I’m no longer privy to all her secrets like I once was. I’ll have to earn her trust back and I don’t mind waiting. She deserves that. I can do that for her.
She peers over at him again and I can see all the love they have for each other in the mere way they look at each other.
Devotion.
They’re set in stone.
A pang of longing and envy hits me but it’s not malevolent. I want this for her, she deserves it. I just selfishly wanted it for myself, too.
Raven turns to face me and taps on my ring finger.
“Oh, New Year’s Eve. He hasn’t told me when or where exactly but, the ring has been sized to fit my sausage fingers.”
Her smile drops at my self-deprecation.
“But I do have a picture of it,” I reply, ignoring her scowl, pulling my phone out from my clutch beside me and I show her the picture of my ring to which she nods with a broad smile. Before I can show her more, there’s a knock at the door and when Jonas opens it, he almost gets his handsome face punched in.
“Whoa, man, what the fuck?”