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“Understood.” I stride to the door and open it.
Without another word, I call for Lorcan, pushing my misgivings aside. I might not be able to keep Finn out of the basement, but I intend to do whatever I can to keep Lorcan away from there. If they come to extract Malik, I don’t want Lorcan caught in the crossfire.
Lorcan’s lips trail along my body, and I thread my hands through his hair. We’ve spent most of the day in a tangle of limbs, breathless sighs, and drifting in and out of sleep. As much as possible, I’ve tried to keep my mind off Malik in the basement.
Dai Qing showed up at Lorcan’s door before she left under the pretense of cleaning his room. It was already done, but it gave her enough time to mouth they’d move in around three in the morning.
“Would you ever leave?”
Lorcan’s lips freeze on my stomach, and when he lifts his head, one side of his mouth quirks up. “Leave?”
I lick my lips. “Organized crime.”
His eyes narrow. “Seems like an odd question.” He braces his elbows on either side of my body and crosses his arms over my stomach, resting his chin on top. “You’re in this business. That question from another woman? Maybe. But you? You might not enjoy all of it, but you seem to enjoy enough.”
“Never mind.” I push on his shoulder with my hand, trying to dislodge his position. There’s a chance all hell is going to break loose tonight, so more sleep is probably for the best. This conversation is stupid.
He shifts off me and comes back up to the pillow beside me. We’re both quiet for a moment, and then he rotates onto his side, cradling his head in his hand. I don’t look at him though. Instead, I stare at the ceiling, wondering what I’m doing in this bed with him when Malik is downstairs, possibly at death’s door. What would Malik do if the situation was reversed? What I’m doing now. He’s cool and calculated which is why I trust him more than most. My only hope is Finn got bored and went to bed.
“What are you thinking about?”
“My mind is a blank slate.”
He chuckles. “I doubt that very much.” He collapses onto his back and pulls me into his side. “What’s eating you?”
“What was it you said once? You fall down that hole and there isn’t much chance of coming back out.”
He squeezes me tighter. “Must have been drunk. That sounds like drunk Lorcan.”
“I’ve been thinking maybe when we figure out what happened to your dad, I’ll do something different.”
“Yeah?” His face fills with amusement. “You going to go work for some Hollywood starlet? Keep the paps from taking pics up her skirt or something?”
I punch him in the arm. “Or something. Seriously, did you always want to do this?”
Lorcan grows quiet beside me. “When I was younger, I didn’t want anything to do with it. My father, his friends, some of the bodyguards—I was afraid a lot. My mum was protective, maybe too much. I dunno. Then she got cancer when I was fourteen. And I…” He makes a spiraling motion with his hand and then flattens his palm on my shoulder. “I scuppered any chance I had of doing something different.” His shoulders rise and fall. “I wasn’t afraid anymore of my dad or his friends. I understood the violence in a way my mum never wanted for me.”
“Then by fifteen…”
“I’d killed a man, yeah.” He ruffles his hair and eases his palm behind his head.
“You did it for Finn?”
“I did. Fat lot of good that did me. He wasn’t grateful. He was angry. At the time, I didn’t get it. I’d done him a favor. But Finn loves his revenge. Not sure there’s anything he loves more than settling a score.”
“It was a mechanic, right?”
“’Twas.”
“Finn told me his mom died because of faulty brakes.”
“And I denied him the privilege of avenging her death.”
“At some point, you two must have gotten back on even ground?”
“We did, I suppose. ’Twas never the same. Our father had his mother killed—part of a transaction with the O’Malleys—because my mum asked him to put her first. When Finn found out, everything fell apart. She was dying… and I felt like I was dying too. It…” He shakes his head. “Terrible. ’Twas a terrible time.”
I drape myself across him as though I can somehow shield him from those memories. I kiss his chest and slip my hand under the covers.