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Lorcan’s grip on me tightens, and then his fingers tug my ponytail loose. He buries his hands in my hair but keeps his forehead against mine.
“No,” he mutters.
“You don’t want me anymore, Lorcan. Why does it matter to you?”
“Bloody hell. It’s not that I don’t want you.” He presses his body closer, and I arch my back, seeking his heat, meeting his desire.
“Then what is it?”
“I can’t keep you safe anymore. The idea of anything happening to you because of me—” His eyes close, and his jaw tightens. “It’d ruin me. I can’t have you here.”
“The only person who gets to decide the direction of my life is me. Just me.”
“And you want to work for Finn.”
“No.”
One of his hands comes out of my hair and circles my waist. “What do you want?” His voice is gruff with an undisguised desire.
“You,” I breathe out. “Beside me, inside me, all around me.” I try to catch his gaze. “Always.”
“God help me.” His lips skim my temple as he breathes me in. His breath stirs the tendrils of my hair freed from my ponytail. “I tried. Remember I tried.”
“It was a valiant effort.”
His lips find mine, and I can’t help the moan which escapes me. It hasn’t been long since we touched, but the brief time where I wondered if it would ever happen again was devastating. Around my waist, his arm tightens, pulling me flush against him, every part of him hard against me.
Without breaking the kiss, he walks us backward to his room. When we get to the door, he pushes me against the wall, pressing his body against mine. He doesn’t look at the keypad as he inputs the code. The door buzzes, and he almost kicks it open, dragging me with him, shoving my jacket off, his motions hurried, frantic. His hands on the hem of my T-shirt jerk it over my head, and my hair falls in a heap around my shoulders. This frenzy is as though, like me, he can’t believe we’re doing this, and if we pause to consider the wisdom, we might change our minds.
Being with him again is foolish. I’m spinning deeper into this web with him. And it’s sticky, latching onto pieces of me I didn’t realize existed anymore. When my family disintegrated, part of me thought I’d be alone forever. To love is to risk. From the moment Lorcan opened his mouth at that benefit, I’ve been sliding downhill without any brakes. Do I want them? Would I use them? So much of what’s happening between us feels almost destined, as though he’s exactly what I’ve been looking for.
His lips find my ear, and he’s murmuring things that would make other women blush as we discard clothing in a rush. Once we’re on the bed, the sensation of his body against mine is intoxicating. Will I ever get tired of this? Of him? Is it possible to feel too much for someone?
With my back arched, I mold myself to him, needing to experience every inch of him against me, flush with my skin.
“I missed you. I missed this,” he rasps against my neck. Something in his voice bumps up against a memory. The tone, the pitch, but I can’t quite catch it. For a moment, my brain forgets where I am, trying to snatch the fragment of memory peeking out at me.
“You okay?” He eases away and smooths my hair off my face.
It amazes me he caught the subtle change in my mood. He’s come to read me so well. His gaze bores into mine, and I give a half smile. “Déjà vu.”
One side of his lips quirk up, and his dimple appears. We stare into each other’s eyes, and I rub my thumb along his dimple as he starts to move against me.
“I was that good in another life?”
A smile touches my lips. “I guess so.”
“I like the sound of that.”
I clutch onto his back and try to shut off my brain. It wasn’t déjà vu, but I’m not sure what it was.
Lorcan’s hand skims along my side, leaving goose bumps in its path. With his other hand, he brings the sheets up higher to cover me.
“Finn told me going to work for him would win you around.”
Lorcan stills, and then his hand resumes its leisurely exploration. “Did he?”
“He said you come around to his way of thinking, eventually.”