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“Closure,” I say. “For you.”
He rotates onto his back and looks at the ceiling. “Then what? I drag you into a war with my brother.”
“Or maybe we walk away. Do you even want this, Lorcan?”
He faces me. “We’d both become celebrity bodyguards, saving the honor and modesty of countless starlets?” His tone is teasing, despite the seriousness of my request.
“We could, or maybe become whatever we wanted, together.”
“I like that last bit. The first bit? I’m not sure it’s possible. I’ve done things. A lot of those things make me a liability for you. You’re good. I’m—I don’t know what I am. But I don’t think I’m good. The man I am when I’m with you—I like him. I like him a lot.” He chuckles and gives me a sidelong glance. “You think I’m better than I am. I wanna be that man, the one you see.”
For a time, we lie together in silence, looking at each other. I don’t know if a future is possible. But I don’t want him to approach this situation as though he’s trapped, doomed to stay in this life. If I can turn him, maybe the FBI will go easy on him. “What if we can prove your brother killed your father? What then?”
“I had a plan, but it got shot to hell. Quite literally.”
“Is it salvageable?”
His face turns serious, and he is focused over my shoulder at the wall. “I don’t know.”
He might not, but I do. “I think we should act like it’s still possible, like that plan is still viable. Then, we can adjust.”
On his back, he rubs his hands across his face. “You don’t even know what the plan was. Truth is, I’m not even sure I can trust those people to keep their word.”
We’re dancing around the edges of what we’re not telling each other. If I keep going with this, I’ll say something I shouldn’t. “You’ve been keeping me from the Russians. Why?”
“They’re the one organization in Boston who isn’t afraid of Finn. Not even a little bit. It’s why I was in discussions with them initially without Finn. Going to them is tricky.”
“Could they have killed your father? I mean, if they’re not afraid of any of you.”
“Possibly. Doubtful. But possible.” His head falls to the side, so our gazes connect. “Semyon’s not very well going to admit it, is he?”
“I read people pretty well. Take me with you to visit him.”
Lorcan sighs. “You enjoy inserting yourself in the most dangerous situations.”
“Occupational hazard.” I give him a small smile.
He plays with my hair in silence. “All right. I’ll organize a meeting. It might take a few days. You cannot tell anyone we’re going. You understand me? It’ll be you and me, no one else.”
Easing myself up his body, I kiss his jaw. “Whatever will we do while we wait?”
Lorcan chuckles and tugs me under him as his lips trail kisses along my body. “I’ve got more than enough ideas to keep us busy.”
I’ve never been good at waiting. Especially knowing Finn’s mind ticks, one lit fuse of memory away from blowing everything sky-high.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Lorcan circles me in his room before he faces me and gives a curt nod. “They’ll still search you.”
“One of us needs to have some sort of weapon on them.”
“Can you sit with that knife against your thigh?”
Striding to a chair by his kitchenette, I ease into it.
“You look as though you’re a hundred doing that.”
I laugh. “Well, you keep him talking while I sit.” I wink. “It’ll be fine. This isn’t the first time I’ve concealed a weapon for a meeting.”