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She gives me a worried glance. “Do you think Lorcan has anything to do with it? He’s on this mission to find out who murdered their father.”
“He wants closure.” I cross to the window at the rear of the room and stare at the edge of the field. “I can understand that.” More than most, I get it.
There’s a heavy silence in the room, and I face Carys. There’s a glimmer of indecision in her eyes. She’s holding back. “What else?”
Her hand slides an invisible strand of hair into her intricate braid. “If I tell you something, can you keep them from going to war?”
I go still and stare at her. There’s only one thing she can be talking about right now. “He did it?” The words barely make it past my lips.
“The night we slept together, we were talking, and he didn’t come out and say he did it. He didn’t admit it. Not completely.” She’s rambling which is unlike her. “He said he never realized how angry Lorcan would be over their father’s death. And the way he said it… the context…”
“Made you think he miscalculated his plan.”
“I didn’t ask. I couldn’t ask. For me, being around Finn—it’s like an inferno. He sucks out the oxygen in the room. I can’t be pulled back in.”
For the first time in my life, I understand what she means. Lorcan is a version of that for me. What he said about destiny echoes through my brain. Whether I want it to be true or not, it feels as though I was fated to meet him, like my life was leading me to him. It doesn’t make any sense, but from the moment he showed up at the benefit, he’s been my home, a home I didn’t even realize I wanted.
“You can’t tell Lorcan.”
“I don’t have any proof anyway.” I press my fingers into my coat pockets. “What he said to you isn’t enough.”
Her shoulders relax. “You’ll help me keep them together.”
“You know me.” I give her a reassuring smile. “I’ll do whatever needs to be done.”
She takes a deep breath and releases it. “If it looks as though Finn’s in trouble…” Closing her eyes, she sighs. “I want to be told, okay? Even if I don’t do anything, I want to know. Can you do that for me?”
“Of course.”
Eliminating the distance between us, Carys draws me into a hug. “Coming to you was the right thing to do. I knew you’d help me figure it out.”
I squeeze her tighter, even as I consider when and how to tell Lorcan what Carys revealed. It doesn’t matter if Finn admitted it. What’s she’s told me is enough to sink him. Lorcan already suspects him, and once I tell him what Carys said, her instinct will be a deadweight, sinking Finn to the bottom of Lorcan’s affections.
First, I need answers about who murdered Chad and my father. If Lorcan had something to do with either murder, I’m not sure what I’ll do.
Chapter Forty
The next morning I’m sluggish. Semyon recognizing me, Carys revealing Finn’s part in his father’s murder, and my uncertainty over what to do about any of it don’t give me the headspace for a restful sleep. In the middle of the night, Lorcan tugged me flush against his body and whispered in my ear how much he loved me. Now that he’s said it once, it spills out of him at every opportunity. His voice, half-asleep murmuring those words in my ear led to even less rest.
He’s gone off to check on a few of their interests and left me in charge. Finn’s coming home this morning, so Lorcan asked me to stick around in case Finn wanted an update on anything. There’s nothing to report, and I’m worried as soon as he arrives there will be rapid progress in discovering who was responsible for his injury. The minute he remembers who I am, I’m dead. I know it, and I’m still here. There’s a voice inside my head that sometimes wonders if I have a death wish, if the decimation of my family makes me incapable of caring about my own life.
I check my watch. “Sean,” I call down the hall. “What time is Ian arriving with Finn?”
“Should be any minute.”
My phone pings in my pocket. It’s an SOS from Dai Qing. Her timing couldn’t be worse. I can’t answer it right now. Pushing my phone into my back pocket, I brush my fingers against my weapons. Dai Qing couldn’t know whether Finn remembers. It can’t be about that. Still, an SOS from her worries me with him on his way home. My life is on the cusp of exploding, and I’m not sure which grenade will have the pin yanked first.
Yesterday, when Lorcan went to see him, he said his brother was still a blank slate about the twenty-four-hour period around his injury. Neither of us wants him to remember. Lorcan thinks the helicopter leads to himself. Somewhere inside Finn knows it leads to me.
The front door opens, and Finn strides in. There isn’t a trace of his injuries in the way he walks or carries himself. If there’s one point I can give him, he’s a warrior. Surviving those wounds and being out of the hospital within a week is impressive. And scary.
“Kim,” he snaps. “I want you and Sean in my office. I want to understand why the fuck everyone here is so incompetent you don’t know what the hell happened.”
Rotating on my heel, I follow him down the hall. “Does that incompetence extend to your brother?”
He grunts. “No, it doesn’t. That fucker knows something, and he’s keeping it from me.” He glances at me over his shoulder. “You got one hand on his balls lately. You need to get me information.”
“To be fair,” I say from a step behind him. “It’s really a two-handed job.”