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I’m definitely overreacting.
“Can I think about it?” I ask Cian.
He looks disappointed but nods and sits back. “Of course.”
So, I lean in. “I wantyouto keep going with this. You’ve been hiding away in the US, not really doing anything that really lights you up. I love the look on your face when you talk about these communities and this foundation. You told me when we met that you feel like a sidekick to your siblings. I wantyouto have something you are passionate about.”
He looks at me with such sincerity and tenderness that I suck in a breath. “I want you to stop hiding too. I want you to shine, Scarlett. I want the world to see you. But even more, I wantyouto see you.”
My eyes sting and I blink rapidly.
“I wanted it before,” he says, his voice gruff. “But now that I’ve gotten to know you and your story, everything with Emeraldand your dad…I want you to be proud of who you are, the way you’ve overcome and raised Mariah and how you’ve changed since you left Emerald. I want you to show him, and the world, but alsoyourselfwho you are now.”
My heart is pounding and I feel like I’m going to cry. But I’m not sure if it’s from happiness or sadness. Or just overwhelm.
This opportunity is…amazing.
I have no qualifications other than being a single mom.
That has defined me for the past sixteen years. It’s shaped every choice I’ve made, everything I’ve done. It’s made me proud and happier than I’ve ever imagined. It’s also made me scared and more vulnerable than I’ve ever been.
It’s the thing that changed my life. That took me down a road that absolutely made me who I am today.
And that person is who Cian O’Grady knows. It’s who he sees. That’s who hewants.
And he wants to give all of this…possibility to me, not just despite all of that butbecauseof all of that.
The waiter arrives with our entrees and that helps us transition our conversation to talking about what other details Cian has about the women and kids that live at Scarlett Park—the name actuallyreallyhits me this time, and I’m touched while also feeling a little trepidation about how involved he truly made me. He really did take every single thing we talked about and implemented it.
We also talk about other cities where buildings or houses could be renovated, or new structures could be built.
Then we start brainstorming other projects. Or rather, I sit and listen and ask questions about ideas Cian has apparently been thinking about for nearly two years. He's thought about getting involved in something to do with elder care, he has some ideas about criminal justice reform, as well as finding out what’s needed in the area of service animals.
He has a wide range of interests. And doesn’t know much very specific about any of them.
That’s what he needs me for. To give shape and direction to all of these various ideas.
He’s got a big heart. Hewantsto do good things. He recognizes his privilege. He just needs someone to help. Someone to be his partner.
Is that someone me?
I’m not sure.
But it really makes me like him. A lot.
Chapter 20
Cian
Maybe I should have told Scarlett about the community for single moms before taking her there. I could have approached the idea of her leading a foundation that would do more work like that before we left Emerald, and she could’ve had time to process it. She did love the actual community itself. Seeing it in person, the actual embodiment of our ideas, touched her. I could tell she was impressed when she saw it and brainstorming more projects was just as fun as last time.
But I want her to be over-the-top enthusiastic. I want her to have work sheloves. Work that shows off the incredible person she is and helpshersee that she doesn’t need to stay quiet and under the radar and wait for people to come to her. She can go out and touch people’s lives even before they realize how much they need her.
I’ve seen my sister exhausted, angry, stressed about the work she does, but she’s motivated and exhilarated by it at the same time because she believes in it. Fiona knows she’s doing something meaningful.
In the short time I’ve known my sister-in-law Abigail I’ve seen the same. Abi doesn’t fit into a lot of “normal” peer groups. She has social anxiety, but the work she does can make her downright chatty and charming when you get her going on a topic she’s enthusiastic about, like the indoor farms she plans to build in cities across the US with my brother’s money.
Astrid is the same. She’s been through hell with her injury and rehab, and she’s not the same sunny girl I grew up with, but when she talks about the advocacy work she does, there’s a spark that nothing else gives her.