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But more, he looks like the man I’ve gotten to know over the past week. I can’t believe it’s only been a week, but I feel closer to him than almost anyone.
Ruby is probably the only person who knows me better than Cian right now.
And despite all of my past experiences with loving and trusting and believing in people and having that shattered, I realize he’s gotten past all of that. He’s managed to heal the cracks that Eli put in my heart and has glued back together the pieces my father completely chipped away.
Cian thinks he loves me.
And for the first time, after this weekend, and sitting here now, looking at him, I believe not just that he thinks it, but that I deserve it.
There are things that are lovable about me. Things that someone could be proud of about me. Things that someone could want to learn more about. Things that someone could want to experience every day with me.
I may not be exactly where I want to be in becoming the person I want to see in the mirror, but I feel a lot closer to her than I have in a very long time.
“I really like you,” I tell him. Again.
“I know,” he says.
And it doesn’t sound egotistical. It doesn’t sound funny. It makes me happy. I’m very glad that he knows that. It means I’m doing better at letting people get close and showing them how I feel.
“I’m glad you came to Emerald to find me,” I tell him, moving closer to him.
“I know,” he says again.
And again, I’m glad that’s his answer. I want him to know that.
I float closer and I feel his hands reach out and circle my waist, pulling me in.
I straddle his lap and feel his cock nudge against me. “And I’m very glad you brought me here to New Orleans and Autre and introduced me to everyone. And told them who I really am.”
Our lips are only a few inches away.
“I know,” he says.
I’m so glad he knows all of that.
I lean in and put my mouth against his and say, “And now I would really like to make love to you.”
I feel his hands tighten on my waist.
“Fuck yes,” is his answer.
A little shiver goes through me, and I smile. One thing we haven’t done is put me in the driver’s seat when it comes to sex. He has absolutely taken over every time. And it has been everything I’ve wanted. I’ve needed it. Exploring what I like and want and need sexually has been amazing. Finding a man who is willing and able to figure out what I like, experiment with me, and has enjoyed it as much as I have has been amazing.
But it’s also really nice to feel bold and confident about it now. And to know that there are times when he’s very happy to follow my lead.
With my hands on his shoulders, I lift up, bringing one nipple to his mouth. “Suck on me.”
He gives a little groan, leans in and happily flicks his tongue over my nipple, before pulling it into his mouth.
Lightning streaks from that spot straight to my core. My pussy clenches and I let my head tip back, relishing the sensations rushing through me.
I reach between us, finding his cock and stroking up and down, ready to position him so I can sink down on him, already plenty wet and ready for him.
But his hand snakes between us and he cups my pussy. “Easy,” he tells me gruffly.
“I’m ready,” I say breathlessly. “Need you.”
“No need to rush,” he says easing a finger into me.