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Now, knowing the truth—that was all about obedience and conforming—I realize there was a coldness and tension in the group.
There was always a sense that you could easily do something wrong or step out of line.
Something I found out personally when I fell in love and ended up pregnant.
Now, with the Landrys, who have literally known me for only a few hours, I feel none of that. I honestly felt like I could blurt out any flaw and they would laugh, nod, and share their own fuck-ups with me.
“How old is Mariah?” the woman sitting to my right asks. I can’t remember if this is Juliet or Jordan. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the J names though.
“Mariah’s almost sixteen.”
“She’s amazing,” Cian adds. “She’s bright, funny, sarcastic. She would absolutely love hanging out down here.” He looks to his left where Saoirse is sitting.
She’s hardly let him out of her sight all day and I think that’s incredibly sweet. Obviously, she’s missed him.
“She knows all about you,” Cian tells her. “She wants to meet you someday.”
Saoirse sits up a little taller, her eyes wide. “How does she know about me?”
“She listens toWait ’Til I Tell Ye. She’s fascinated with the animal park and all of that. Plus, she found out that you were working with Bennett as a spokesperson for the climate change thing. She thinks you’re cool. She wants to study some great stuffat college and travel around and do big work. I think you guys will be best friends.”
My throat tightens and I have to blink quickly as Saoirse starts asking questions about Mariah and Cian gushes about her.
She’s instantly interested in my daughter, and of course that’s because of Cian’s endorsement. But also, I think Cian’s right. They would get along. And Mariah wouldn’t have any of the bullshit here that hangs over her head in Emerald because of my past.
“What do you do, Scarlett?” another of the women at the table asks. I don’t even try to come up with her name. There are just so many people here.
“I’m a mechanic, actually. My stepdad owned the garage in our town and taught me, then left it to me when he passed.”
“Holy shit, that’s amazing,” the woman says.
I laugh. “Is it?”
“That you can fix cars and stuff? Absolutely.” She looks down the table. “Sawyer, Scarlett’s a mechanic.” She turns back to me. “Sawyer’s the one who keeps all of our engines running.”
“Out of necessity,” the big man says. “Somebody has to fix the boats and trucks to keep the business going.” But he gives me a grin.
I shake my head. “I don’t know anything about boats.”
He lifts a shoulder. “It’s not that different. I’m sure you’d pick it up.”
I might actually. I’m actually pretty good with mechanical things.
But I realize that there’s a bigger difference between what I do and what Sawyer does. It’s not about the engines or vehicles themselves. It’s about the why behind it. Sawyer probably loves his job because ofwhyhe does it. He’s doing it for his family, for the business, because fixing those machines is part of something bigger that really matters to him.
I’m doing it because I need to make money and to prove a point to the town.
I like being able to help people out when they have car trouble and need a tow or need a flat changed. I know how scary being stranded can be. But ninety-nine percent of the tiny bit of business I get are oil changes and tire rotations and basic maintenance. Things a dozen other people in the area could do. And it doesn’t make me feel excited or fulfilled.
It was different for Brian. Because he did it for true friends and neighbors. He was a part of the community, and his business was important. That’s not my situation in Emerald.
That’s a startling realization to have sitting in a bar in Louisiana. But it’s true. I told myself going back to Emerald to run the shop was my way of showing the town I wanted to be a contributing member of the community but…that’s not how it’s working out.
“You should come down to the docks and take a tour tomorrow,” the woman says. She looks at Cian. “Spend the night tonight. Have breakfast with us and then take her on the bayou tomorrow.”
“I have a boat taken apart,” Sawyer says. “I’d be happy to show it to you.”
I have no intention of ever fixing a boat, but I have to admit it might be kind of interesting. More than anything though, I love this feeling of being included.