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The night after my heels lesson, I retreated to the roof and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. It wasn’t long before the door creaked open. Sunscreen and salt, incongruous with the shadowy hour of midnight, wafted on the cool breeze.

“I found you.” Lloyd stopped a few steps away, unsure if his presence was welcome. “You weren’t in your room.”

“I’m just reminding myself how insignificant I am,” I joked as I tucked my phone away.

I could message Thorn tomorrow.

Lloyd didn’t laugh. His lips flattened as he took me in, curled tight and small. Like I could disappear. But that wasn’t how I felt. Inside, I was a tapestry of stars and staring at the sky helped me find myself again.

“Don’t you know how bright you are, Tully?” Lloyd lingered as I tracked the purple-blue blanket of midnight.

There it was, the refute on the tip of my tongue. I swallowed it and let out a sigh, like a whistle.

“Want to talk about it?” he added.

“Only if you hold me for a moment.” I whipped open the blanket.

Lloyd’s tentative expression turned into a smile, and he snuck under with me. Warmth seeped into my skin and we both melted into it. He wrapped his arms around me, hissing as he realized I was like ice.

“How long have you been up here?” He clasped my hands in his.

“Too long, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Something on your mind?” he whispered into my soft hair. “Was today too much?”

My want for him was a weight on my chest. My fingers crawled around his waist and our legs tangled. It was perfect. But he wanted to know what drove me here. It was hard to explain.

“I’m just confused.”

“I care for you too much to let you get in your head about this pack.” Lloyd’s words left a deep ache in my bones.

“I thought I wanted to leave Starhaven, forget the Hartlock name and everything that came with it.” I swallowed hard andmuffled my voice against Lloyd’s chest. “Every time you say you want me, I’m terrified that you want someone who doesn’t exist. I think the alpha who lied to me wormed his way into my brain. His voice is always there, berating me. I thought it was love, what we had, but it was control. He liked me to dress and act a certain way. It was part of the reason I enjoyed Only Omegas, if I’m honest. I put on pretty lingerie and became Tahlia. She’s confident, beautiful, and knows exactly what she wants. She wouldn’t fall apart so easily.”

Lloyd tugged me closer and sifted his fingers through my hair.

“Did you want to keep doing your Only Omegas work?”

Did I want that? Tahlia was an untouchable version of Tully. She was a safe place I went to when I didn’t have anywhere left. That wasn’t true anymore. I let out a deep sigh and Lloyd twirled the ends of my hair around his finger.

“It’s not the work I miss so much as the power… I miss the way I didn’t second-guess myself when I was Tahlia.”

Lloyd hummed, but left space for me to gather my thoughts. I didn’t know how to articulate something woven through the fabric of my being, since I realized I wasn’t what my parents wanted.

Walden’s sisters reminded me of when I presented as an omega. How hopeful I’d been until I saw my parents' reaction.

“I was so excited to be an omega, but my mom actually cried. Not tears of joy, but full-body wracking sobs. I comforted her, all the while wondering what was wrong with me. From then on, nothing I did was right. When they died, I felt the weight of my name in full and I realized they were right. I wasn’t ready. It made me easy prey.”

“Tully. They should have prepared you.”

“I used to sit and stare at the sky. I used to wish and wish and wish on the brightest stars, but none of them came true. My parents were never proud of me and now, even though they’redead, I still hear their voices in my head, too. Telling me I sullied the Hartlock name.”

Lloyd made a derisive noise. “The Hartlock name belongs to you, honey girl. You can do whatever you want with it. Burn it, blow it, tarnish it. None of it matters, not really.”

“That’s what I mean.” I waved a hand at the sky. “You can’t look at all that and think you are anything special. We’re just specks in the scheme of things.”

“Well, you’re my favorite speck in the universe. Come and stare at the sky if that’s what you need, Tully. But you can bring me with you next time. Don’t take yourself off to deal with it all alone. Your parents didn’t give you the care you deserved, but I will.”

I straddled and stared at Lloyd. At the mole on the lobe of his right ear. The shadow of stubble on his chin. The freckles over his nose. They were as divine as the stars. Heat poured off us both, especially as his lip quirked up.