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His words did the same as our bond. Took up space inside me. And surprisingly, I found I liked the feeling.

42

Lloyd

I couldn’t take a full breath. Not with this moment bubbling like effervescence in my lungs. If I moved too quickly or said too much, the love of my life might leave. Tully was sitting at the table with us, rifling through the pile of highlighters. The furrow in her brow deepened as she sat cross-legged on the chair.

“You bumped me,” Walden said to Pan, dismayed. “Now my line is crooked. What do you do when that happens, Tully?”

We were designing the layouts for the next month in our bullet journals. I’d clutched to a secret hope when Tully lingered after dinner. Curiosity made her face so bright, and when she brought her journal out of the nest, I felt lightheaded with glee.

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, Walden.” The corner of her mouth lifted.

“Agree to disagree,” he muttered, moving further away from Pan, who sprawled on the table, all elbows and smiles.

Pan was unrecognizable after bonding with Tully, and I wasn’t jealous. Nope. The pit of burning snakes inside me were remnants of anxiety, from visiting The Barracks a second time today.

“Thanks for bringing me my recording gear this morning. I really want to wrap up these interviews and start editing.” Tully didn’t look up from her page, but I didn’t care. “Was it hard for you?”

“It was nothing.” My throat closed.

I’d puked twice on the drive and contemplated turning back a thousand times. But her presence felt like my reward. Tully had one last interview to give before she could start editing her last episode ofHartlock, Unfiltered. When I noticed Tully had forgotten her recording gear, I took it to her personally. I could have sent a messenger. But the only way I was going to prove my love to Tully was to continue to do better, and that included conquering my fears.

“A little birdie told me you met with Lloyd’s mom?” Ajax took a sip of his herbal tea.

“I didn’t say anything.” I held my hands up as Tully slanted me a look.

“Is your security guard spying on me?”

We hired a team that guarded Tully when we weren’t able to. It had been an unspoken agreement, but we’d been taking shifts off from work so someone could be available. Even Walden.

“It’s part of his job to give a daily report on anything that happened. Nothing sinister. CJ has gone to ground and from all reports, those who have seen him said he’s looking ragged,” Walden said.

“Maybe he’s given up?” Tully muttered, more to herself.

Pan cracked his knuckles. “I wouldn’t underestimate him, angel. He’s probably biding his time.”

“How did the visit go?” Ajax changed the subject when Tully frowned.

“Mom’s well, and it was good to see her.” My chest warmed at the memory.

“Mom, this is Tully Hartlock. She wanted to talk to you about the HLA attack and your memories of it.”

Dina Yarrow wasn’t an emotional woman. But her green eyes filled with tears when Tully and I appeared at her door.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Tully added, as my mom waved us inside. Her apartment was above ground, on the third level. A modest one-bedroom apartment that made my cheeks heat. She waved us over to the table, stacked with scrapbooks, with a trembling smile.

“Come here, Mom.” I clicked my tongue and pulled her into a hug.

Her tears soaked my neck. Her cut grass scent intensified.

“Missed you, baby.” Her fingers scrambled at my back and a heated mixture of shame, anxiety, and guilt pressed through my pores.

“I love you.” I pressed a kiss to the gray streak in her hair.

“What have you got here?” My mom pried the bag full of noodles out of my hand.

I made an involuntary noise, a cross between a whimper and a gasp. It was horrible enough to draw a purr from Tully. Her eyes widened, as if it surprised her. But after a moment, she placed her hand on my back and the sound rolled through me, taking some of the tangled emotions with it.