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I fought the urge to crawl into the middle and sink into the soft mattress. The urge to pull the blankets from the shelves and nest rose. I couldn’t stop myself from shoving my cardigan between the cushions.

The edges of my brain turned fuzzy, and heat throbbed between my lungs. Lloyd and Ajax hadn’t followed. They gave me this moment without influencing me with their scents. I forced myself through the narrow tunnel before I made the nest mine.

Lloyd and Ajax spoke in hushed voices as I exited. Tension hijacked their features.

“Did you like it?” Ajax leaned forward.

“It’s perfect,” I admitted. “Your future omega is lucky to have such a beautiful, thoughtful nest.”

There. I managed to be diplomatic and stuff down the sharp envy that needled my skin.

“Where is your cardigan?” Lloyd said.

“What?” I dodged the question, but my cheeks answered for me.

I was as good at playing cool as he was.

He let out a soft laugh. “Come on. This is Pan’s piano room. Have you heard of PAMA?”

Ajax showed me some frames in the piano room, and I avoided looking at the leather bench where Pan had sat me on his lap and made me melt with a few sentences. There was a young, lithe Pan accepting a certificate. His skin was bare of tattoos and his smile was wide but forced.

“I know it’s a musical school.”

My parents had no interest in sending me somewhere I would be spoiled because of my last name. Their words. My parents homeschooled me and taught me practical life skills.

“Perry Academy for Musical Artists. Pan is the youngest student in history. This was one of his performances early on.”

I hummed, looking at the next photo. A couple hemmed him in with stiff shoulders and pursed lips. Pan stared to the side, his hair cut short and neat. It didn’t look like the alpha who set my pulse leaping under my skin. What happened to him between then and now?

“Your parents?” I asked Ajax, and a shadow passed over his face as he nodded. “Do you play?”

“No, my parents had high hopes, but I’m afraid only Pan could meet them.” Ajax wandered further and opened a set of doors.

The room had a wall filled with weights, an empty mat covered area, and treadmills.

“This is the gym, not a place I spend a lot of time in, as you can tell,” Ajax guffawed, patting his round middle until it jiggled.

Lloyd blew out a sharp exhale and shook his head.

“Why would you say that?” My forehead creased.

Ajax slapped his stomach again, and his nose crinkled in disgust. “This is the reason we haven’t found an omega for our pack yet.”

My lungs froze. Ajax grinned at me, like he thought I would join in and laugh at his expense. Looking like what? His stomach was soft and round and his thighs were meaty and thick. His chest was a barrel and his cheeks round underneath his thick beard. He thought his weight made him unattractive?

“You’ve been talking to the wrong ones,” I said.

“Ajax, man…” Lloyd shook his head.

“What? It’s the truth.” Ajax’s laugh was strained this time.

Better to laugh at yourself before someone else did. I used to do the same thing around Chase. Make fun of my memory and intelligence before he could. It hurts less if they laugh at a joke you made, like you wrenched control of the embarrassing, the mortifying, the shameful. But it didn’t take away the emotions attached to those qualities. Every time I had to do anything related to numbers, I would cringe inside, judging and despising myself for my slowness.

I knew how much it hurt.

Instinct moved me to throw my arms around his middle. I sank my fingers into his softness. Burned hazelnut and bitter coffee made my nose crinkle. I clung harder, determined to divest him of his incredibly wrong opinion of his body.

“I was just being stupid.” Ajax’s hands brushed my shoulders.