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“I’ve been killing the love he has for me, and I don’t want to do the same before we even have a chance. I’m tearing my chest open right now because I’m a mess and I want you to see it. Everything about me is wrong. Born an alpha, when I crave to be like you. Born with incredible musical talent that’s go—”

Pan was poetry torn in pieces. He was an eclipse, shadows stealing the light. Pan was like clutching a perfect rose stem and having thorns hook through your skin. He lived on the edge of pain and pleasure.

He was all these things. More. I adored him through it all.

“You might be frightened, but I’m not, Pan.” I ran a hand down his clammy cheek. “We’re both beautiful messes. Whatever youneed to keep you strong in your sobriety, I’ll give you. Your pack loves you. I hope you know that.”

“It’s your pack too, angel.”

Pan pulled his hands from my grip and settled them on my cheeks. His lips brushed against mine. My heart jumped in my chest. I had a longing for my nest. A safe place for both of us. The noise from the gala carried an indistinct murmur I couldn’t escape.

I didn’t want to go back there, not yet, not at all, if I had the choice. First, I had to get something off my chest. About Chase.

“Pan—I—”

“Tully.” Pan leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I know you’re overthinking right now, but you did great. Nobody could tell you were nervous at all.”

“No, I need to tell you something.” I drew in a shuddering breath.

Right as the door opened.

“I hope I’m not interrupting?” Chase wandered into the room and closed the door.

Pan eased away as Chase clapped him on the shoulder. My breath whistled out of my lungs and into his clenched fist. He shared a smile with me, hungry like a shark.

“We’re just having a little break. The crowd was a bit much. You know how it is.” Pan’s fingers squeezed my shoulder, but there was no comfort. The roar in my ears was a hurricane. Chase cocked his head, raking his gaze down my body.

“Over-indulge, Tully?” Chase’s smile was fat with victory.

My chest hurt as my heart hurtled against it. The desire to flee was hard-wired in me, but it wasn’t an option, so I froze out of instinct.

Made myself so, so small and so, so quiet.

“What are you doing here?” Pan looked between us, and his expression turned brittle as he took in my stricken face.

“I wanted to talk to you about Seph. To see if there is a way you can mend your friendship.” Chase shrugged.

“W-wha—” I sucked in a hitched breath.

I’d never been good at hiding what I was feeling. Emotions flitted across my face like pages of a book. What could I say to Pan? This was the alpha who tried to use me for my fortune and destroyed my sense of self as easily as blowing down a stack of cards. Chase knew it too, and I flushed with frustration. Chase leaned back and smiled. Like I could be so easily controlled by the shine of his teeth. He was languid, except deep in his oceanic eyes. I could see a glint that dared me to tell Pan the truth.

Chase was the alpha who used me.

Who broke my heart and made me want to leave Starhaven entirely.

“I know how life got in the way, but Seph misses you desperately. You’re so dear to her, Tully. I hope you know that. Maybe… can we speak alone for a moment?” Chase played at being earnest and I cleared my throat, dry like sandpaper.

My head thumped, pain exacerbated by the fluorescent lights.

“She—” I grimaced, my mind blank.

I wanted to rail at him, to tear strips off Chase for daring to be here.

Had he no shame?

“Did you want some privacy?” Pan asked.

If I had a scent, it would have choked the room with sharp bitterness. But I didn’t. Another thing Chase stole from me. His wipes worked well, thanks to me.