Page 93

Well, partly because of the drop, partly because being here brings me back to last night. How terrified I felt when I couldn’t find Maya. The adrenaline surge when I realized she was stuck. The dizzying, overwhelming relief when I pulled her back over the edge.

It was the adrenaline, I’m quite sure. That’s why our kiss felt so… significant. It felt different because it was a kiss spurred on by hormones and cortisol, followed closely by an explosion of chemicals when we connected. Entirely biological. For example, right now, looking at Maya—who’s speaking to Jordy over near the base—I can appreciate how beautiful she is. I wouldliketo kiss her, because kissing her is lovely, but I don’t feel like the world will stop turning if I don’t have my arms around her, like I did last night.

So, therefore, the significance of that particular kiss was clearly an exception, and I don’t have to worry about a thing.

Jordy finishes talking with Maya, then heads over to speak to Gwendolyn while Maya gives me a subtle nod.

“Chicken,” Perrie teases when she realizes what’s happening, but it’s good-natured.

I would tell her about my cliff-climbing escapades last night to defend my honor, but I feel like Maya would prefer last night to be kept between us, so I just shrug. “They already made me get in a kayak. I’ve hit my upper limit, sorry.”

Suddenly, Jordy makes a beeline for me, flanked by Gwendolyn and a camera operator. “Looking sexy, girls,” he says, gesturing to our harnesses.

“Thank you, I picked it out especially for you,” I deadpan. “You like bondage, right, Jordy?”

Jordy chuckles nervously and looks toward Gwendolyn. “Cut that out,” he whispers, and she nods and makes a note in her iPad. “Hey, can we talk for a second?” he asks.

What he means is, can we go off together and talk on camera where it’s quieter. I nod, and we walk into the trees, then wait several minutes for the camera crew to find a spot with good lighting.

“So,” Jordy says, when we’re finally ready to have this conversation. “Maya tells me you’re scared of heights.”

Gwendolyn’s mouthing something to me behind the cameras that I can’t quite make out. “Yes,” I say, trying not to let her distract me.

“Why didn’t you tell me when we got here?” Jordy asks, taking my hand.

Gwendolyn’s waving her arms above her head now. Then she pounds a fist against her chest. Gorilla?Oh.“I was afraid?” I say, and Gwendolyn nods vigorously.

“Of what?” Jordy asks.

“… heights?” I say, and Gwendolyn throws her hands up in disgust. Then, it clicks. “And, that if you knew I’m afraid… of heights… you might not want to be with me because of all the… outdoor stuff you like to do. Involving heights.”

Therewe go. Now Gwendolyn’s happy with me. “Like helicopter rides,” I add.

“Skye,” Jordy says seriously. The camera zeroes in on him. “I never want you to be uncomfortable, oreverfeel like you’re being made to do something you don’t want to do. Consent issoimportant in the MeToo era.”

Gwendolyn gives him a thumbs-up.

“Thank you, Jordy,” I say. Suddenly, it occurs to me that I can manipulate this discussion in a way that’ll increase my chances of making it to the finale. “So, I can sit this one out? You won’t be mad?”

Jordy cups my cheek. “Of course not.”

I place my hand over his and stare into his eyes, so theyhaveto keep it in the episode. “I should’ve realized you wouldn’t send me home over something this trivial.” Then I take my hand away, so they can’t just cut that particular piece of dialogue out without losing the moment of physical touch. “Thank you so much for being so understanding. I was silly to be scared.”

There. It’s not entirely foolproof—Jordy did send Kim home during a personal crisis last week. The only difference is, as far as I know, Kim didn’t mention her friend at any point during filming, so Jordy’s image didn’t take a hit. Even if she did, I doubt it would make it into the episode. If I gave them good enough television just now, though, maybe Gwendolyn will pressure Jordy into letting me stay. If only to give the episode more of a story arc.

“Skye,” Gwendolyn says, “hang around. We’ll just get a talking-head shot.”

They turn the camera on me now, and I run through the lines I know they want to hear for the voiceover.When I got here, I knew I couldn’t do this challenge. I’ve been terrified of heights since I was a kid, when I fell off a jungle gym and broke my arm. I was so afraid to tell Jordy…

“Were you mad at Maya, for telling Jordy about your fear?” Gwendolyn asks. “Do you think she was trying to sabotage you with Jordy?”

I fight to keep from glaring at Gwendolyn. “I was grateful to Maya for telling Jordy,” I say. “She was trying to encourage me to tell him myself, because she knew he’d understand. She’s so good at reading people.”

Gwendolyn looks rather disappointed.

As the girls get ready at the base of the cliff for the time trial, I make myself comfortable with a glass of wine—available to me because I’m not doing any dangerous activities I could sue them over if it goes wrong—and watch the show with Isaac and Violet.

Lauren’s up first. My stomach plunges in empathy as she stumbles over the first few rocks, but she gets the knack of it quickly. In fact, she’s doing very well, scaling at a high speed with a determined look on her face. I’m just thinking she might give the others a run for their money when she slips with a scream. The harness catches her, of course, and she hangs there pitifully for several seconds while she collects herself. The producers call out to check on her, but she waves them off and gets a grip on the cliff again. She races to the top, and grabs the flag, but I can see on her face she knows she’s lost. Dejectedly, she heads down the nearby walking trail back to the base, but finds a spot by herself to stand and watch the other girls.