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Like Perrie said.

I’m so furious right now. My skin is prickling, and I feellike I’m seconds from hurling on live TV, and tears are hovering at the backs of my eyes, ready to spill over if I drop my guard against them for a second.

And I didn’t even have to be here. I could’ve been sitting beside Skye, bumping my shoulder against hers and smiling knowingly while Jordy bullshitted about his love for whoever else won.

I did this. I entered this war. I accepted this battle.

And it won’t end here. Just like Skye predicted, there will be more battles. If anything, it’s just going to grow. His side, her side. Who’s lying, who’s telling the truth. Every time I scream back at Jordy, someone’s going to be there to twist my words. To take his side of the story as gospel.

Nothing’s changing. I have been stagnating for two years.

I have been fighting this battle for two years of my fuckinglife.

Enough.

I’m supposed to launch into an attack. To tell my side of the story, from when he moved to Canada, to the cheating, to the character assassination he performed on me. To describe his attitude on the show, the way he told us all the same things, the horrible things he’d say about us behind our backs. To tell them what he did to Francesca, and Kim; that chillingly cold, calm way he has of hurting people without hesitation. To reveal why he wanted me on the show in the first place. Then, I’m supposed to finish with the wordsI know this sounds like a he-said, she-said situation. But you don’t have to take my word for it. You can take his.

Instead, I catch Isaac’s eye backstage, and shake my head. He’s staring at me with wide eyes—trying to figure out my reaction to the clips, I guess—and he gives me a hesitant thumbs-up in acknowledgment.

“Overall, I’ve found this experience really wonderful,” I say. “I’ve gotten to see an amazingly beautiful country I’venever visited before, I’ve met a whole bunch of great new people, and spent time with Jordy again, of course. But the thing I’ve loved most about this experience has been falling for someone incredible. Someone who’s blown me away with their intelligence, their wit, their… confidence, and passion.” I force a nervous giggle. “It’s been a while,” I say to Grayson, and the audience laughs with me. Relieved. I guess I broke the tension for them.

“When I told Jordy before that I wanted to stick around to the end, it was the truth. Except, the thing is, I didn’t want to stick around for Jordy. I wanted to stick around for… another reason.”

Revenge, specifically. But I’m not going to admitthaton camera.

Jordy stiffens next to me. Something close to panic flashes across his eyes. I guess it’s just occurred to him that maybe the producers got me to agree to a montage of him, like his for me. Which, obviously, is basically the truth, but that’s not the point right now.

“I got to know a lot of the girls during my time on the show, but especially Skye. And after knowing Skye for long enough, I couldn’t help but want to stay on the show so I could spend more time. With her.”

Grayson, for the first time, doesn’t seem to be performing his shock. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” he asks.

Jordy is holding perfectly still, staring straight ahead.

“Yes. I didn’t plan this, and I didn’t expect it to happen this way, but it did.”

Grayson leans forward, his eyes sparkling with the drama of it all. “So, why did you accept Jordy?”

This is going to be the hardest part to get right. “I wasn’t expecting him to choose me, honestly,” I say. “There were somany gorgeous, intelligent, fun girls on the show with me. I was more distracted by the fear that he might pick Skye. Then, he chose me, and I… panicked, and there were cameras on me, and I didn’t know how to say that I’d fallen for someone else. I should’ve prepared, but I didn’t, and I’m so sorry for that, Jordy. I never wanted to hurt you. But my heart… belongs to someone else.”

The crowd erupts into boos, and my whole face heats up by several degrees, but I guess I deserve this. It’s exactly what I’d known would happen. Jordy’s the wounded soul. I’m the villain.

But… I’m okay with it.

I feel light. Like I’ve spent the last two years of my life walking around wearing an enormous, faux-fur coat, all stifling and heavy. And I’ve finally shucked it off.

Grayson switches his attention to Jordy now. “Jordy, did you have any idea this was the case?”

Jordy wipes a hand over his mouth, then curls in a little, like he’s trying to protect himself. “Uh, no, Grayson. I didn’t.”

It’s hard to tell whether it’s an act or not. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any idea where the lies begin and end with Jordy, though.

“Did the other girls know?” Grayson asks me.

“I told Perrie about an hour ago, but otherwise, no. Perrie, she actually helped me sort through some of this. I think I was hoping—I loved Jordy once, I hoped maybe I could love him again, I guess? But she talked sense into me and helped me… not to go through with something I would’ve regretted.”

The noise the crowd is making is… weird. I can’t actually tell what they all think, and the lights blazing at me make it impossible for me to make out anyone’s faces.

“And does Skye feel the same, Maya?” Grayson asks.