Page 133

“What?” I frown at her. “I’m perfectly happy. What did I say that didn’t sound happy?”

“Nothing, specifically,” Olivia says slowly. “It’s more your face.”

“Your vibe,” Rosie says, swirling her hands in midair.

“We’ve known you for a long time,” Olivia says.

“Some of us longer than others,” Rosie adds.

I shake my head. “What this is, is exhaustion and jetlag.”

Rosie and Olivia exchange a glance, and Rosie shakes her head, like she’s telling Olivia to drop it.

Weirdos.

“How does it feel?” I ask Skye the next day over video call. Rosie’s in her room, and Olivia’s coming over soon, but for now, it’s just us. “To be set up in your new apartment?”

“‘Set up’ is a strong phrase.” Skye laughs. “I’ve got a couple of suitcases and a sleeping bag.” She gives me a tour of herroom with her phone. It’s a literal shoebox, but she seems thrilled about it. “When I got here, they actually offered me a bigger room, because one of the other housemates moved out. I was tempted because it has a bed, but it’s about twenty pounds more a month, and I’m pretty sure I can get a bed for under thirty-five if I keep checking the buy, swap, and sell pages.”

“Street smarts.” I smile.

“Guess so. How about you? Good to be home?”

I shuffle on my bed and shrug. “Yeah. Sure. It’s nice to be somewhere familiar, I guess.”

“Youguess?” she repeats. “Are you missing me?”

“Of course I’m missing you,” I say. “That’s probably all it is, embarrassingly enough.”

“Don’t be embarrassed, I’m flattered. What are you up to tonight?”

“Not a lot. I might watch a movie? Maybe go for a walk. YouTube. You?”

“Not watching clips, I hope?”

I bark a laugh. “God no. No, I’m avoiding the show as much as I can right now. I need a break before I confrontthat.”

“Yeah, I hear you. It’s all my new housemates wanna talk about, and I’m like, yes, hi, I have not processed any of this, can we talk about the eighteen years’ worth of life I lived before that? I know it’s less interesting, but…”

“Ugh.Can you blame them, though?”

“No, I cannot.”

“What are you up to tonight?”

“Well, the girls here wanna show me a restaurant they say is the best Greek I’ll ever eat, which seems like a stretch to me but I’m excited to try it out. Then we’re gonna hit up Oxford Street for some shopping, because I am missing someessentials,I’ll tell you that. And, I don’t know. Maybe a movie? There’s also a cocktail bar I’ve been wanting to try out, but it depends how hard I go at Greek, you know?”

I swallow, and look at her wistfully. “That… sounds incredible,” I say. My voice comes out hollow.

It’s not that I’m sad I can’t be there with Skye—even though I am. It’s more that I’m sad I can’t be there at all. It’s just, we’ve lived through this wild experience together, and she’s flown off to keep doing all these exciting things, and I’m here back at square one. Killing time until I go to college.

College.

It’s not like I’ve ever beenpsychedabout college or anything. But lately, the thought of going there has made me queasy. I’m pretty sure it’s not normal to dread college this much, either—Olivia says she doesn’t, anyway. I guess I just got spoiled on the show, and I’m being petty about the fact that I have to go back to real life and Skye doesn’t.

Why can’t I live like her? Why can’t that bemylife?

“Are you lonely?” I ask her.