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“No, Perrie, it got Mr. Darcy’s butt rejected,” Lauren says. “And in any case, even if you do believe it, time and place. We want to be supporting each other, not tearing each other down, right? Thatincludesnot making one of our own feel crappy after having a nice time with Jordy, okay? If you want to be part of the royal family, it’s all about etiquette. Social graces, girls.”

She says it calmly and in a pleasant enough tone, but even Maya looks a little chastened by it. I think I might need to take notes.

“Has anyone told you you’d make an amazing elementary school teacher, Lauren?” I ask lazily. “You’ve really got the whole ‘sweet guilt trip’ thing down to a T.”

“Actually,” Lauren says, brightening and raising her chin in a dignified way, “I’m studying to become a kindergarten teacher.”

“Well,” I say, getting to my feet and shooting Maya another look, “you’ve picked a good path. Consider this extra-credit training. If you can make these kids behave, you’ll be able to handle anything.”

Maya sticks her tongue out at me, and I blow her a kiss as I head out to finish my coffee by the pool.

I have just enough time to catch the perplexed look on her face before I close the door behind me.

The next Tuesday, I spend the better part of the afternoon getting ready with the bathroom all to myself. An unprecedented luxury. This episode, we’re doing things a little differently. Instead of a group challenge, each of us is spending some time alone with Jordy, re-creating our first dates, spread out over the whole week.

Unfortunately, my one-on-one date with the bathroom is rudely interrupted by Maya bursting in on me without knocking as I’m applying a sweep of brown eyeshadow.

“So, Lauren just got back,” she says, hoisting herself to sit on the counter. “And guess what she and Jordy did.”

“Hi, come on in, please join me.”

“A helicopter ride over all the royal buildings in the state!”

I slam my hand on the counter, makeup brush and all. “So the helicopterdoesexist!”

“What?”

“What?”

“Never mind. She and Jordy werefifteen.Who’s going to believe two fifteen-year-olds chartered a helicopter on their first date?”

I go back to my eye makeup. “Why didn’t I think to lie? I dated a future fake-royal and all I got was a chocolate fondue date.”

“At least you get chocolate. We went for a hike. Ahike.Do you think it’s too late to tell Isaac we went Jet Skiing?”

“When’s your date?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I think it might be a little late for them to source Jet Skis now.”

Maya sighs dramatically and kicks the cabinet. “This is such bullshit.”

I put down the brush and sort through the clutter in my makeup bag in search of a lipstick.

“Hold on,” Maya says, leaning forward. I look up and she squints at me. “You missed a spot. Can I…”

“Oh, yeah, sure.”

I close my eyes and a second later there’s a gentle pressure on the corner of my eyelid as she rubs her thumb over it.

“I think you at least have enough time to tell them youforgot to mention a picnic at the end of the hike,” I say as she works. “If you’re spending the day walking around with Jordy, the least you deserve is some good food at the end of it.”

“You’re a genius, hell yeah I’m doing that.” She pulls back, and my skin feels cold in her sudden absence. “Perfect. As you were.”

“So, I was thinking,” I say, turning back to the mirror. “We’ve got the girls mostly on our side now. It’s time to help them see what Jordy’s like.”

“Got it. Any thoughts on how?”