Page 98

I stare out the window at the trams trundling along, the cars passing, early afternoon dog walkers. It’s not fair that time continues for them when it’s stopped for me.

Adam arrives, dusty from work, and I launch myself at him. ‘I won’t be able to pick up the kids from school,’ I sob into his chest.

‘Don’t be silly. I’ve called Meg. She’ll deal with it.’ He sits and pulls me down beside him. ‘Tell me exactly what happened.’

When I’m finished, he says, ‘Well, it doesn’t mean it’s anything bad. It might just be another one of those TIA things. People have ministrokes in a row sometimes, don’t they? That happens, right?’ There’s a panicked edge to his voice.

‘I don’t know,’ I say softly.

We sit in silence as time stretches until eventually, a tall, thin man with a thick head of grey hair walks in and we both jump up.

‘Holly and Adam?’ He gestures to the couch. ‘Please, take a seat.’

We exchange a worried glance and sit. He closes the door and drags a chair closer to us. ‘I’m Dr Wren.’ He looks down at the carpet and takes a deep breath before he meets our eyes, and I see it – the anguish of having to deliver bad news. It’s in the heaviness of his expression, the lines in his forehead, the downward pull of his mouth, and before he’s even spoken my hand is over my mouth and I’m screwing my eyes shut to make this moment go away. Adam slips his arm around me.

‘Your mother had a heart attack,’ Dr Wren says.

Adam’s fingers dig into my shoulder.

‘I’m so sorry. We tried everything to revive her.’

I open my eyes to look at the doctor. ‘But she was okay.’ I turn to Adam. ‘She was okay.’

Tears streak his dusty cheeks. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I pull him to me and hold him tight as he sobs.

I stare at the doctor, my own tears falling. ‘She was okay,’ I whisper.

Chapter 34

Casey, London

Itrudge across the road to the pub, a light mist of rain falling on my face. When I walk in, Jaz pokes her head out from a booth seat and gives me a wave.

‘All right, mate,’ she says as I slip into the seat across from her. ‘Got you a half, since you’re cutting back on the drink and all.’

‘Cheers.’ I strip off my jacket and take a long sip of ale, which means half of my half is already gone.

Jaz frowns and glances at the glass as I place it on the table. ‘I should’ve known you’d need a pint. Not heard from her, then?’

‘One reply,’ I say sulkily.

‘Well, that’s better than none, innit?’ she says, using the overly enthusiastic tone she’s adopted with me recently.

I grab my phone and read Holly’s message. ‘Home okay. Mum’s still in hospital. Thanks for checking.’

Jaz grimaces.

‘Exactly. What sort of message is that? “Thanks for checking”? What’s that about?’

‘She won’t be thinking straight,’ Jaz says. ‘She’s got a lot going on with her mum’s health and dealing with what happened between you two.’

I sigh. ‘I just want her to know how much she means to me. How sorry I am. Like, it can’t be over just like that.’

‘I get that you’re hurting but listen to me, right, don’t crowd her. Imagine how you’d feel in her situation. Your heart is broken, your mum in hospital, and you have to race back to the other side of the world.’

‘Okay. I hear you.’ I hold up my phone. ‘Am I crowding her if I reply to this, then? If I ignore it, she’ll think I don’t care. I feel like I can’t win.’

‘Just say, “I’m sorry about your mum”.’