Page 81 of Matrix

“When? How?”

“It’s been years since the last time. The only time, really. When we were trying to find a way to escape Blackstone’s, I tried to leave myself and take over a guard’s body instead. It worked.”

“Holy shit.”

“I’ve been too worried about the implications to try it again.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could get trapped in someone else’s body. What if I couldn’t leave it?”

“That’s a damn good question.”

“I was able to escape the guard’s body, but I never tried to possess someone again. However, I think I can do it.”

“Why are you telling me this? If it’s something you don’t want to do again, then what difference does it make?” She’s slowly backing toward the door, almost as if she’s afraid of me.

“I thought you needed to know. If we’re going to be together, then you should learn everything about me. Even the weird parts.” I stop talking because it’s exhausting. I need sleep. Although I’ve been in bed for three days, I’ve been conscious the whole time. I haven’t rested at all.

“Doc put you on some crazy medications to make sure you don’t get an infection. And he gave you strong pain meds. I don’t think you’re remembering things right. Get some rest, and we’ll talk about this in the morning. Okay?”

“Daisy, don’t go.”

“I have to check on Angela.”

“Wait! What happened with the men who attacked us? Who were they?” I try to sit but immediately regret my decision.

“Vapor says the cartel sent them. He told me he made sure wewere safe, but he wouldn’t give me any details. He claimed it was club business.”

“Can you get him for me?”

“Sure. Bye.” She’s out the door, slamming it behind her before I can get another word out.

Maybe it’s for the best. She’s overwhelmed right now. This probably wasn’t the right time to tell her about the things I’ve been holding back. However, regardless of when we had it, this conversation wouldn’t ever be easy. If she thinks I’m crazy, so be it. This is who I am. If the reality of who I am isn’t something she can’t handle, then it’s better we know now.

As I close my eyes, flashbacks return to haunt me. Sleep is elusive, and for the first time in months, I really, really want my knife. If I had it, I could send myself back to the place where nothing hurts and no one can cause me any pain. Just one little cut, and I’d be free again.

Chapter 20: Daisy

After two days of driving, I’m grateful to be back in Montana. I roll down the SUV’s window and lift my face into the wind. It roars past, pulling my hair and drying out my eyes. My sister’s sleeping in the backseat while Matrix drives. I know he’d rather be on his bike, but he insisted on staying with us instead of letting us straggle behind the others. My thoughts have been a whirl of gratitude and relief but also anxiety.

Before New Orleans, I never thought much about how dangerous Matrix’s life can be. Witnessing my sister’s rescue, as well as the shootout at the NOLA clubhouse, has brought me to a new level of understanding. If I stay with him, I could be putting not only my life in danger but my sister’s life too. I don’t know if loving him is worth the risk. My rational side tells me to run away as fast as I can. But the part of me completely in love with him is begging to stay. I don’t know what to do.

When we pull up to the clubhouse, I take a deep breath. The tension in my body eases a bit because I’m home. Regardless of whether I stay with him, this has been my family for months. Walking away won’t be easy. I don’t think I can do it, not after everything they’ve done for me.

“Are you okay?” Matrix asks softly.“You haven’t said a word since Wyoming.”

“Just tired,” I lie.

If I could explain my feelings, I’d talk to him. But I’m too sleep deprived and too confused to tell him how I’m feeling.

After parking by the porch, Matrix jumps out and opens the back door. Angela’s asleep, and when he gently shakes her, her eyes fly open, and she screams.

“It’s okay. It’s just me. We’re home,” he says.

“Sorry,” she mutters.

“Let’s get her set up in my old room,” I say.