Page 79 of Matrix

After he leaves, Daisy rushes to sit on the bed beside me, leaning over and giving me a gentle hug. Although she’s careful not to press on my wounds, the discomfort of being back in my body makes me groan.

“Oh, babe. I’m sorry. I just wanted to hold you for a second. Do you hurt still? The bastard who cut you sliced through your abdominal muscles. Doc repaired them, but it’s going to suck for a while. He gave you pain meds, but if you need more—”

“I love you,” I murmur.

“You scared the shit out of me.” She shakes her head, then wipes a tear from her eye.“Why did you do that? I was terrified I’d never get you back.”

“I can’t control it.” While I don’t admit it, Icanshorten the amount of time I spend in the other world. I just have to make an effort to return. She’s too angry to hear it, though, so I keep my mouth shut.

“How did you get back? Can you hear and see things when you’re gone? Where do you go?”

Her barrage of questions starts a steady pounding in my head. I close my eyes. I want to roll away from her, but even the slightest movement sends flashes of agony through my guts. I can’t deal with anything right now, especially not her.

“Go away.”

“No. I’m not disappearing on you like you did with me,” she says through clenched teeth.

I open my eyes and glower at her, willing her to leave me alone. She doesn’t move. Instead, she sits there and glares right back with her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes are swollen and red from crying, but I can’t help her. I’m so messed up I can’t even take care of myself. For now, she’s on her own.

“I said go away.” My stomach’s still in knots. The pain is unbearable. I want to curl up into a ball and disappear forever. It’s taking every bit of willpower not to let myself drift away again.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on,” she says stubbornly.

I let out a frustrated sigh, knowing she won’t leave until I give her some kind of answer.

“Fine, but you’re not going to like it.” I take a deep breath and begin to explain.“When I leave my body, I go to the other world. From that place, I can end up anywhere on Earth. I’m in the room, but I’m not in the room. It’s like I’m floating above it. I can hear and see everything going on, but I can’t make my presence known. I’ve been going there since Blackstone’s, and I don’t know how to stop it. I can’t control it. Not really.”

“So, you go to a different dimension?” Her brow furrows as she tries to understand.

“Yeah. And I like it there. I can’t feel pain or suffering. I’m at peace when I’m in that place. Coming back sucks.”

“But youdidreturn. You must have done something, so how did you do it?”

“I don’t know. It just happens.” I pause.“It’s almost as if I know it’s time to return.”

“But you can’t make yourself turn back whenever you want to.”

“No.”

“That sounds terrifying.”

“It’s not. In fact, it can be very useful.”

“How so?”

“Remember what I told you about the dungeon?”

“Yes. And the bad dreams you have.”

“They’re based on reality. I don’t want to talk about what Blackstone did to me or the others, but it was horrific. This one time, I did something that made him so angry that he beat me within an inch of my life. I thought for sure I would die.”

“Oh, honey.” She slides her hand into mine and gives it a soft squeeze.

“In the middle of the beating, the strangest thing happened. All of a sudden, I was standing next to myself. I watched Blackstone break a wooden paddle over my head and felt nothing. Not one damn ounce of pain.”

“That’s strange.”

“It scared me at first, but then I realized it was a gift. I’d leave my body when things got so bad that I couldn’t take it anymore.”