Page 61 of Matrix

“Was this in Montana?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m assuming you left during the summer?”

“Yes. It was right after the last snow in June.”

“It still gets close to freezing at night, even during the hottest months.”

“Yeah, but I learned how to stay warm from the homeless guys. They all slept on newspaper, so I did too. It insulates you from the ground, so you won’t be cold.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“It’s true. During the day, I’d stay in the den unless I needed clothes. I hated stealing, but I didn’t have money. A lot of the guys in the park panhandled, but they were much older. I couldn’t do it without drawing too much attention. Cops patrolled the park sometimes, so I had to stay hidden when they were around.”

“How long did you live like that?”

“Five months.”

“You were ten years old, right?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a lot to deal with as a kid.”

“I spent my whole life hungry and fighting over scraps. This wasn’t much different. At the very least, I wouldn’t have to avoid the older foster kids who liked to beat me up. I didn’t have a ridiculously huge list of chores to do. Honestly, it was heaven while it lasted.”

“How did it end?” She snuggles closer before laying me down beside her.

Staring at the ceiling, I fight the urge to stop talking. She can take it. I know she can. But telling her the awful truth will change things between us. How could it not?

“That’s what the nightmare was about,” I finally say.

“Okay.”

“I was in a convenience store one night, trying to steal dinner, when a man stopped me. He told me that if I didn’t go with him, I’d go to jail because he knew I had a bunch of candy hidden in my clothes.”

“Oh, God.” She shakes her head. “He gave you an impossible choice.”

“I wish I’d gone to jail instead. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world. I would have been sent to a youth detention center. I know that now, but back then, I didn’t have a clue about how the justice system worked.”

“So, you went with him.”

“Yeah. That was the biggest mistake of my life. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could go back. I would have told myself to run away as fast and as far as possible.”

“If only we could change the past.”

“Yeah, but we can’t. So here we are.”

“What happened after he took you from the store?”

“He drove me to his ranch. As soon as we arrived, he tricked me into entering the basement. He said all the candy was down there.”

“But it wasn’t.”

“No. Not even close.”

“What was in the basement?”