Page 21 of Matrix

Maybe I’m dreaming, or maybe the world isn’t real. Yes. That’s it. Nothing’s real. It’s all one big simulation. Just like those computer games they let me play when I’m a good boy. I bet this dungeon doesn’t even exist. It’s all in my mind. In my head. It’s what they want me to believe. But it’s not real.

Not real.

Not real.

“Fight!” the kid with scars yells, breaking through the fog. “Fight or die!”

When the guard drops me, I snap back into my body. I suck in two greedy breaths before joining the chaos of kicking and screaming kids. We outnumber them. We can get them back for what they did to us.

Swinging my fists, I blindly smash them into anything with flesh. I can’t see through my swollen eyes, but they’re all around me. Screaming something … something …

“Matrix, stop!”

I slam my fist into the man’s face over and over and over while Scar and Reaper try to pull me off him. By the time they get me under control, I’m a bloody mess. But it’s not my blood. It’s Griller’s.

“He’s dead.” Scar grabs my hands, but I pull them away and swing past him, trying to get at the lifeless body.

“Matrix, stop! What’s wrong with you?” Daisy covers her mouth with her hand and shakes her head. Her eyes have never been so wide or so filled with horror.

“Take her upstairs,” Scar says to Talon.

“No! Mine!” I cross the room and grab her around the waist, pulling her hard against me.

Everyone’s silent, staring at me like they’ve never seen me before.

“Stomp your feet, Matrix,” Nitro says.

Out of habit, I stamp the ground with my boots.

Right. Left. Right. Left.

Oh, shit. I know what’s going on now. I was gone again. I can’t even remember what the hell just happened. One minute I was here. The next, I was back in Blackstone’s dungeon, a place of unspeakable evil.

Right. Left. Right. Left.

The guys have seen me like this before. The first time it happened, we were still at Blackstone’s. But it wasn’t the last. In times of immense pain or stress, I get sucked out of my body. Doc calls it “disassociation.” I call it freedom. It’s the only time I ever feel free of this dark and terrible world.

“Reaper, take care of the body,” Scar says.

Instead of complaining because he couldn’t participate in the kill, Reaper unties the corpse and throws it over his shoulder. Talon grabs a shovel, and they leave together.

Daisy hasn’t moved from my side, but her body’s rigid, ready to flee. She’s probably afraid of me now. She doesn’t understand what she just witnessed. I’m not a cold-blooded killer. Not usually. But today, something snapped.

“Should I call the girls to take Daisy for a few hours?” Scar asks.

“No.”

“Are you back now?” He’s asking because I’ve had trouble getting back into my body before. Sometimes I’ll float for hours, and nothing they do will bring me home.

“Yeah.”

“Take her upstairs and let her make you some food. Daisy.” Scar turns to her. “When he has his … episodes, he needs meat after. Something hearty to ground him again.”

She nods.

“Are you okay staying with him?”

“Alone?” she asks softly.