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I definitelywasn’tsmiling, but Dominic had known me long enough to see the smallest changes in my expression and read my emotions.
Deciding not to shut him out, I showed him the one of Bella smiling.His eyebrows raised to his hairline.
“Are you sure that’s the same kid?”
This had my lips twitching.
“I think I found the perfect person for Bella,” I said and turned the phone back to me, taking in her smiling face.
“I’m happy for you, truly.You need this.”
I put my phone away, content that Bella was being taken care of.
Juliette’s updates allowed me to focus on my work for another two hours before heading home to find them both on the outside couches.Bella asleep, Juliette watching over her.It was… domestic, and I realized I liked it.
Maybe a bit too much.
Just like I liked her calling mesiragain a bit too much as well, even though I knew I definitely shouldn’t.
I waited until I heard Juliette’s car leave to pick up Bella, enjoying the calmness of it all.There weren't many times when I could be with Bella like this.When the world around us slowed down and quieted.When I could just look at her.
It was starting to cool down outside, but the warmth of the fireplace kept the outside lounge area warm.The light lit up her chocolate brown locks, casting a reddish hue on her skin.
She stirred just slightly but then leaned into me, not waking up, even as I shifted her weight in my arms.
I was never going to be a mother, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try to protect Bella with everything I had.And not just because she was my sister's kid.
Because she deserved it.She deserved the world.
Standing there, looking down at her while she was sleeping, just made everything else in the world fall to the background.
She was all that mattered.She was the reason I did all this.I didn’t know how long I stared at her, but when my arm started to get weak, I knew it was time to take her inside.
I took Bella to her room down the hall, careful not to jostle her too much.She curled into me, her small hand gripping my suit.I set her down on her bed, tucking her in and placing her favorite, worn bunny by her side.She grabbed it immediately, and the faint scent of her mother reached my nose.
That bunny had been one of the few things she had insisted on bringing from her house.I pushed her to bring more toys or anything that had sentimental value, but she wouldn’t.
Looking at her made my heart ache.
I constantly worried about her.And I wondered if that was how all parents felt about their kids.If they thought about them constantly.If they started counting down the minutes from the time their kid walked outside until they were back inside safely.If the only thing they wanted to talk about was their kid.
That was how it was for me now.
Everything had been hard for her since the accident, so even though Juliette had shown me how capable she was, I had still been worried that Bella would do a one-eighty and reject her.
I was shocked to see her asleep when I got home.She’d only fall asleep in my presence, and even that was a struggle.She liked to go to her room by herself.She didn’t like being tucked in.No bedtime routine, no book, not even a game on her iPad.She’d just simply go into her room and go to sleep.
I had reached out to her pediatrician and tried to get her to see a psychologist, but nothing worked.As soon as I tried to put her in front of a professional, she would shut down.They were supposed to help, but instead it always sent us two steps back.
Not to mention she’d always stay up until I got home, which meant she had always refused to sleep when any of her nannies were around, no matter how exhausted she was.
Until now.
But still, having Juliette here was… inappropriate at best.The only thing on my mind today besides Bella was Juliette.Despite the photos and the messages, despite all the things she’d done right, I'd actually come home with the intention to fire her.Not because she didn’t blow all other nannies out of the water, but because of how awful it would be for me to keep her here.
I wanted her.The one night we had had only deepened my appetite for her.I thought that I was obsessed before, but having her so close and so unavailable at the same time was too hard for me to handle.
If I kept her here, it would literally only be a matter of time before I fucked up.The temptation was too great.