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“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”
Her jaw tensed.
“Is that what you really think?”she asked.“Would I lie to you?”
“I can't tell what you're thinking.”I shrugged, and we both knew I was the liar in this equation.Even if she wasn't telling me how much she loved me in words, it was written all over her face.It might be hard for me to read her at times, but not this time.This time it was clear.
I was the one holding us back.There was this invisible wall between us.I could feel Lux trying to break it down, but it was a two-person job, and for some reason, I couldn't help her.
Yet.
That single word brought me comfort.
“I’m thinking you don’t want to believe anyone can love you this much.”Her words were an arrow straight to my heart.“That you can’t believe what I’m saying.That I would give up my family for you.That I would burn it all to the fucking ground for you.”
“I can’t,” I admitted.“Believe it, I mean.”
“I’m not giving up anything, Juliette.I don’t want her in my or Bella’s life.Inourlife.”
“But she’s your moth?—”
She pulled me closer.“And you’re the love of my life.Even if it came down to a choice between you two, there’s no doubt in my mind who I would pick every time.”
I placed my forehead against her, closing my eyes and inhaling her scent deeply.
“Why are you pulling away from me?”she asked.
“I'm right here,” I whispered.
“You know what I mean,” she said.“I thought out of the two of us, I was the one who had trouble sharing my emotions.”
She was right, of course.But how could I have seen any of this coming, let alone know how to deal with it?
I didn't want to say any of that, so instead I moved forward and captured her lips with mine.She didn’t move at first but then slowly started kissing me back.
I used it as a sign to take things further, and I tangled my hands in her hair.She groaned against my mouth as she let me in.The world fell away around us as I explored her mouth and her hands traveled my body just like I knew they would.We couldn't stay away from each other for long.
But then she pulled away.
“Juliette, if you don't want to have this conversation, I understand.But I don't want to use what we have as a way to just stop talking about it.”
“I want you,” I said and touched my lips back to hers, my hands already pulling up my sweater, but she pulled back again, her hands on my face.
“Check-in.What are you feeling right now?Red, yellow, green.”
It was the first time she was using the stop system with me, but I know it was common in other BDSM relationships.
“Green, of course,” I replied and dove back in, but she evaded my kiss.
Frustrated, I tried again, barely catching her lips before she murmured against mine, “Bubblegum.”
I jerked back, rejection and betrayal flooding my system.She met me with a slight frown.
“I'm sorry,” I said as I tried to crawl off her, but her hands were holding me steady again.
“Angel, it’s been a long day.A long,traumaticday.”Her voice was soft.“I think we both need some rest and tomorrow we can try again.”
This time she let me climb off her, but she followed, standing up.She took my hand, leading me into the house, and stopped by my bedroom door.The one I hadn’t slept in since we got together.