Page 172 of Jordan

They are important. Enzo is important. Enzo is my life. These babies are my life. Rafael is my life.

The last moments when I think my life is going to end, there are flashes of these points in my life I remember. Quick flashes, but it’s those memories and visions of Enzo, Rafael, my little baby beans that have my chest hurting, thinking I’d never see them again. That my babies would never be able to meet their fathers. They’d never breathe the air or feel the sunlight on their skin. They’d never taste the salt of the ocean or dig their little toes in the sand. They’ll never get to fight or love or learn.

And that’s why I have to lie.

I have to lie for them.

I don’t like lying. I’ve never been good at it. But I have to do it because if I don’t, everything that just went through my head is all I will ever have. There will never be anything more. Just memories.

“He’s right. Zachary is right. I’m not safe with you.”

The words hold no meaning as I say them. I just say them. Speak them as if I’m reading them from a book.

The way Enzo’s face falls is enough to bring me to my knees, and it’s a good thing Zachary is holding me up. My husband is devastated. Heartbroken. Fucking destroyed. I can’t bear to look at him. So I don’t. I turn in Zachary’s arms, hold my breath, and pretend it’s Enzo. I know it isn’t. Everything is wrong. Everything about Zachary is wrong, but I do it because I’m hoping like hell this will distract Zachary enough that Enzo can figure this out.

Zachary nuzzles his face in my neck, and I want to throw up.

I love it when Enzo does that. I hate it when Zachary does. He always did, and it never meant anything. I forgot he did until just now.

I already knew I loved Enzo. I already told him I loved him. But now, right now, I know for a fact I am truly in love with that man. I will do anything to make sure I live a life with him, Rafael, and our babies.

The shot goes off. I don’t flinch. It’s loud. I can’t tell where it came from or who did it. Not until Zach’s body goes limp, his full weight on me, and I feel myself falling. Panic hits my chest as I think about him falling on top of me. On top of my stomach. On top of my babies. But I don’t fall. Because Enzo is there, catching me and pulling me into his arms.

“I’ve got you, angel. I’ve got you,” he whispers. “I know you didn’t mean it. I know you didn’t.”

“I didn’t,” I cry, turning in his arms and clawing at his shirt, trying to bury myself in his damn chest. I don’t ever want to leave. “I didn’t, I swear. I love you. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I know. Angel, I know. It’s okay.” He holds me tighter, running his hand down my hair. “Shh, it’s over now. It’s all over.”

He holds me tight. Kissing my cheeks. Kissing my head. Hugging me. Whispering it’s going to be okay.

“Please tell me Rafael is okay,” I beg. “Please.”

“He’s fine. He’s waiting for you at home.”

I cry harder. So hard I can’t breathe. My body is shaking. I’m cold but hot. I’m sweaty. I’m going to throw up again.

I’m lifted off my feet, and the hot, dry air hits my skin.

I don’t remember anything after that.

Chapter Seventy-Two

Jordan

I roll over and cuddle with the warm body beside me. He’s soft, warm, and smells like citrus.

Enzo doesn’t smell like citrus.

I open my eyes and I find a head of blond hair. I blink a few times and push up to look at Rafael.

“Hey,” he says softly, running his hand through my hair.

“Hey…”

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” I clear my throat. “I thought you didn’t do the cuddling thing?”