Page 139 of Jordan

More pacing. Chewing on my nails. Tugging on my hair. Things I never do. But I’m scared. I’m scared and alone and I have no one to talk to.

7:12.

How the hell?

I shake my head and keep pacing, wishing I had something to do to occupy my mind, but there’s nothing in here, including my phone. I must have left it in the car or at the store. Who knows? Who cares? It’s not like I have anyone to call. It’s a glorified game system to me.

That puts a rock in my stomach. Stopping me dead in my tracks.

My father was always thrilled about me having kids. He talked about it all the time with Zach. And now? Now is he even going to know? Is Enzo going to allow my father to be in this child’s life? What if it isn’t Enzo’s? God, that is the worst thing. What if it’s Rafael’s? Will Enzo allow me to keep it? Rafael doesn’t want any kind of commitment. Will he make me get rid of it?

“Jesus, Jordan! How stupid can you be!” I mutter to myself, slapping my forehead.

So, so stupid…

Another glance at the clock tells me it’s 7:13.

Box says three minutes, which means I’m waiting for 7:14, but I don’t know how far into 7:11 it was when I came out here.

Best I wait until 7:15.

It’s 7:16 when I force myself into the bathroom. Now I’m worried if I wait too long the results will be inaccurate, but I can’t let fear get in the way of this. I have to know. I need to know.

My clammy hands tremble as I reach for the test.

I’d placed it upside down so I wouldn’t accidentally see it when I walked in.

I pick it up, close my eyes, turn the test over, and when I open them, my blood runs ice cold.

It’s positive.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Jordan

I sit on my bed for hours, staring at the wall, my head shockingly clear. I’d expected to freak out, to cry, to yell, scream—something.

But I haven’t done any of those things.

I’m calm.

I’m probably going crazy. Lost my mind completely.

A person can only handle so much.

But this doesn’t feel bad.

This feels almost relieving. Refreshing.

A baby. I am going to have a baby. I’m going to be a mother.

I’m making a human being, one I can raise and nurture and make a good person.

Well, as much as I can. It only goes so far, but I hope like hell my baby will be good. A kind and caring person who values family and honesty.

But can I raise my child the way I want in this house? With these people? With Enzo breathing down my neck and not allowing me to go to the store by myself? What kind of life will that be for a child? Will they be allowed to have friends? Socialize? Go to school? Jesus, it’s going to be awful for him or her. That’s no life for a baby. For a child. It’s no life for me.

Of course my mind goes back to escaping. But it’s impossible. I’ve tried. Unless I do it while we’re already out, like today. But after what Enzo said about finding me? I’m not so sure I should risk it. Because I hadn’t thought that far ahead. The goal was always to escape. But what about after? Did I think Enzo would let me go? I’d leave and that would be the end of it? He’d just accept it? How had I not considered he would look for me?