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“Do you think she’d be mad if I still want to talk to him?”
I lean back and look up as I think of what to say to him. I consider letting Abi be the one to talk to him about this, but we’ve already come this far.
“No,” I shake my head. “She wouldn’t be mad. But, Zeke, you should know, your mom is trying to protect you. She isn’t keeping you from your dad to be petty or to hurt you. She’s doing it because she feels it’s best.”
“Because—” Zeke’s voice breaks and he clears his throat. “Because she’s scared he’d hurt her?”
I sigh and meet his pale blue eyes, full of so much heartache it’s tough to keep looking. But I do.
“Because she’s scared he wouldn’t be nice to you. She feels like she would be better for you than he would. As much as it sucks, you wouldn’t be able to go back and forth between parents. You’d have to pick one.”
It isn’t quite true. I have every intention of ensuring Devin sees the inside of a prison cell. Zeke won’t get the option of choosing him, but he wouldn’t even if he could. As much as I hate myself for giving him the false choice, I don’t regret it. At least he’ll feel like he has some control, which is more than I had.
Instead of answering, Zeke’s lip quivers and tears spring to his eyes. I expect him to curl into himself like he did earlier, so I’m perplexed when he leans into me and wraps his arms around my torso. He sobs onto my suit jacket.
For several moments I’m frozen, too taken aback to even think of what to do. I hesitantly wrap my arms around him and squeeze.
We sit there for several moments while he cries, and at some point it no longer feels awkward and unnatural. A heaviness sits in my chest, and I feel like I could cry too.
“I wish you were my dad,” Zeke says through a sob.
I rub his head and close my eyes, not thinking about my next words. “Me too, buddy.”
“Mom!”
Zeke pulls back suddenly, and I turn my head to see Abi standing in the entryway. Her eyes are filled with tears as well, and when Zeke runs to her, she drops to her knees and embraces him. She rocks back and forth with her arms around Zeke, whispering reassurances in his ear.
Her eyes, filled with gratitude, meet mine and she mouths two words.
“Thank you.”