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“Mommy?”
I glance down at my son again. His shoulders are shrunk in fear, and his eyes implore me to get him away from this. Whateverthismay be.
“It’s okay,” I say, my voice soft and a plastered smile on my face. “We just need to leave. We have a busy day ahead of us.”
I turn my gaze to Oliver and my smile vanishes.
Reluctantly, he steps to the side and lets us by.
I walk toward the door with hurried steps. I step on the hem of the too long sweatpants I borrowed and nearly trip. With a sigh, and damn near a tear, I let go of Zeke’s hand long enough to pull them up, and try to hang on to the anger. The sadness can come later, behind closed doors when Zeke can’t hear me crying.
We walk the rest of the way to the door, and I yank it open. I go to step outside but stop in my tracks when green eyes pierce me, less than a foot away. What happened to his beautiful face?
My anger surges again and I glare.
“Were you leaving?” Colter asks, a frown sinking his bruised and swollen face.
I could slap him, but instead I squeeze Zeke’s hand and try to step around Colter. “Actually, yes, we are.”
“Abi, what’s wrong?”
Colter grasps my arm to stop me, and I whip my head toward him, finding it harder to hang on to the anger.
Do not cry.
Donotcry.
“Nothing, we just have to go. I’ll call you from the road.”
“You can’t.”
I jerk my arm from his grasp and step around him onto the porch.
“Abi!”
Zeke is looking back over his shoulder, and I put my hand on his cheek and urge him to face forward.
I take the first step, and then the second, ignoring the words that hit my back. I get momentum and it starts to seem like I can really do this, walk away from Colter for good. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m proud of myself. My mind is winning this battle, not my heart.
“Devin is here.”
I stop so suddenly, I nearly fall down the concrete steps and drag Zeke with me. An ice cube slides down my spine, and my shoulders bunch.
“Daddy?” Zeke asks, staring up at me. “Daddy is here?”
I shake my head, but it’s less of an answer and more denial to myself.
“Zeke, why don’t you come inside while your mom and I talk? There’s an Xbox in the basement that’s got your name written all over it.”
“I want to see Daddy.” Zeke looks around as if Devin is here.
I move my gaze to the gate, surveying the road for some sign of him.
I wish I could say something to Zeke, anything to calm whatever storm must be brewing in his mind. My deepest fear, not just for myself, but for him wraps around me and squeezes, taking the oxygen from my lungs. Rooting me in place. I can’t speak, I can’t move. I’m trapped in a catatonic state and can’t take my eyes off the damn road.
I hear Colter get near, and Zeke protests, but I don’t turn to look, as badly as I want to.
“It’ll be okay, Zeke.”