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“I get that you’re hurt, and you have every right to be. But maybe it shouldn’t be about you right now.”
She winces. “I’m not trying to make it about me.” She takes on a defensive stance and crosses her arms.
Little bit. I want to say it, but I keep my mouth shut. She’ll figure it out on her own, of that I’m certain. Abi is an incredible mother. An incrediblewoman. Zeke knows that, he just needs some space and time to wrap his head around the fact that he’s never going home. He’ll probably never see his father again. At least not during his childhood.
Abi lets out a long sigh and picks up the chair. She sits and splays her hands on the table. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Give him some time. It’s a lot for him right now.”
“How can you be so sure? What if you’re wrong? If he truly wants to live with Devin, I won’t be able to stop it. There isn’t a lawyer in the world that could win that battle for me.”
“Yes, there is,” I reiterate from earlier. A nagging feeling tugs at me that Abi has already forgotten our earlier conversation, but I push it to the side. “But it isn’t going to come to that. Trust me, you can relax.”
Abi takes a steadying breath. “With all due respect, Colter, you hardly know Zeke.”
“I know him a hell of a lot better than you think.”
Abi’s brow wrinkles as she watches me intently, waiting for me to go on.
“I wasn’t always aware of what went on between my parents,” I explain. “I was a little older than Zeke when I figured out what a piece of shit my dad was. And even then, I hung on to him for several more years. Iwishmy mom had kept me from him. It just took a long time to realize that. Zeke is having to go through it all at once. He doesn’t have the luxury of figuring it out all on his own. It sucks, but he’s going to be okay, and he’s going to forgive you. One day he’ll even thank you.”
Abi bites her lip and nods, her hand raking through her hair. “Okay,” she says, a bit of anxiety-filled hope in her voice. “You’re probably right… and you probably know better than I do. I’m just—I’m scared.”
“I know. And I’m sorry you’re going through this.” I place my hand over hers. “But if it’s any consolation, I’m here for you.”
She gives me a small smile and places her other hand over mine, squeezing. “I don’t know what I would do without you right now.” She bites her lip again. “I’ve felt alone for a very long time.”
I nod in understanding. I want to take away her pain, hold her,saveher. But I won’t pretend that she’s the lucky one. My world has been turned upside down since meeting Abi. My career may very well be over. Mylifemay be over if my family is truly who they’ve proven to be.
And yet, this is the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s a little sad when I think about it, but it’s true. There’s a piece of myself that’s been missing, and Abi fills that piece. She wants me, but she doesn’t need me. She’s a strong woman who’s done fine on her own. It’s me who needsher. It’s me who’s been truly alone.
I don’t say this to her. I tell myself it’s because I don’t want to make this about me, but deep down I know it’s because I don’t want to admit it out loud.
“Can you do something for me?” she asks. “Could you talk to Zeke? I need to make sure he’s okay, but I don’t think he wants to see me right now. I just… I don’t know what to say to him.”
“Of course,” I say, forcing a small smile. I like Zeke, and I think he likes me, but I suspect I’m one of the last people on the planet he’d want to talk to right now. Right behind Abi. And as much as I want Abi in my life, indefinitely, I’m not sure how smart it is for me to go playing the role of step-dad.
Step-dad. Jesus Christ, I’m getting ahead of myself.
“Thank you,” Abi squeezes my hand again and smiles. “Truly, Colter, you’re a lifesaver.”
I force a smile back and stand. A few weeks ago Abi didn’t want me anywhere near her son. She didn’t want me tospeakabout her son. This only shows me how far we’ve come, how much she’s come to trust me.
What if I let her down?
“I’ll be back,” I say, slowly walking from the room.
I take my time finding Zeke. All the while I slip in and out of rooms, the pool area, and the den, I’m thinking of what I should say to him.
Nothing. That’s what I keep coming back to. I should say nothing.
I find him in the home theater. Some kids show plays on a screen and a slew of voices drift from speakers low enough it isn’t audible outside the room.
I stand in the doorway for a moment and watch him sitting on the floor, hugging his knees. His eyes are glazed over, but I don’t think it’s from watching TV.
I traipse over and sit down next to him. On the TV, some kid in a superhero outfit is yelling at a man dressed as a baby. We’ve come a long way fromTom and Jerry.
“What are you watching?” I ask, turning my gaze to Zeke.