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Kirsten’s jaw tenses and she looks like she’s about to start yelling again, so I take her by the hand. “Come here,” I say, leading her away from the door. We walk down the hall and I open the door to the stairwell. The concrete steps are broken in some parts, and the railing is barely holding up. Management is lucky no one hardly uses them because otherwise it’d be a lawsuit waiting to happen.
I lean over the rail, making sure no one is in here on a different floor.
“What the hell are we doing?” Kirsten asks.
I turn back to see her head tilted and eyebrows knitted together. She looks more confused than mad now.
I take a deep breath and let it out. I might regret this, and it’s probably a horrible idea, but Kirsten has been nothing to me but a good friend. I owe her the truth, and I’m sick of not giving it to her. I’m sick ofallthe lies, of running, of trusting no one. I’m tired of it all, and I have no idea how long I’ll be able to keep this life up.
Before I have a chance to think too carefully, I open my mouth and tell the truth.
“I’m sorry, Kirsten. I swear I am. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I didn’t mean to ‘ghost’ you.” Another deep breath and a pause.
“Then why—”
I hold up my hand to cut her off. “You were wrong about Colter. The Grucos are still very much a part of his life.”
Kirsten’s face contorts, making her look even more confused.
“They came after me. That night you helped me pack, they took me.”
“What?”
“I’m okay,” I say, holding up my hands. “It was a misunderstanding between Colter and I, and it’s getting fixed… but they’re following me, and if thingsdogo south, they’re going to label me as a witness to their crimes. Anyone I’m with… I don’t know if they’re safe.”
“Shit,” Kirsten mutters, her hand going to her forehead as she looks away. She sinks to the floor, and I follow her lead, my back resting against the door.
“I know… I’m sorry for even telling you. I might be putting you at risk just having this conversation.”
Kirsten shakes her head. “Don’t be sorry. I’ll be fine.”
Her words sound so confident, and her posture more sad than alert. She isn’t scared. She isn’t surprised. She’s… what is she? Am I missing something?
She sighs and runs her hand through her hair. “I really wish you would’ve told me about this sooner.”
“Why?” I carefully ask.
“Because I’ve worked for them… and still do on occasion. They wouldn’t have thought of me as a witness, and I could’ve helped vouch for you.”
“You’ve worked for them? Like for their functions?”
“No,” Kirsten says, punctuating the word like she’s frustrated or annoyed. “As a whore.”
My eyes widen, and I immediately try to school my features. It does no good. Kirsten is already watching me like she’s expecting the judgement.
“Oh.”
Kirsten sighs and lets her head fall back into the wall. “It was a while ago, when I first came to the city, and I didn’t have the connections I have now.” She turns her head to meet my eyes. “It isn’t easy making it in this city without connections, Abi. Trust me, I know. I did what I had to do.”
I nod slowly. All the times she helped me get s job, the way she reached out to me in the first place, it sheds a new light on things, and I feel so much worse. She was trying to help me have a better life than she did when she got here. I’ve done nothing but take it for granted.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “I can only imagine—”
“It’s okay.”
She takes a breath and shrugs like it’s no big deal. Like she isn’t humiliated and ashamed right now. I wish there was something I could do to take it away, but I have no idea what.
“Don’t leave again without saying goodbye, all right? You’re my only friend, Abs. I understand if you have to go, but don’t shut me out.”