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“Sure thing,” he said.

I turned to my brothers. “I’ll ride with you two if that’s okay.”

Knox and Hayes said they’d wait in the truck, and I walked Ben back to Maya’s room to get her bag. As we went, he said, “I really appreciate you letting me come to this party. I know it’s awkward, but it means a lot to Regina. I think she was worried about being around all your family and friends after everything.”

I held Maya’s flower bag tightly in my hand, trying to push back my frustration. My family had never been anything but kind to her. “I’m glad she started showing up for Maya.”

Ben frowned. “Can I be straight with you?”

I lifted my chin, waiting for what he had to say.

“I’ve always respected you as a doctor, but what you did to Regina, it fucked her up pretty bad.”

And there was the guilt. Heavy and pressing on my chest. I took deep breaths like I’d learned in therapy, remembering that breathing was one of the only ways to rid cortisol from my system. I didn’t need to feel guilty for the past because I couldn’t change it. I could only learn and grow from it. “She’s still Maya’s mom, regardless of what happened between us.”

“But she’s human too, and you of all people should know that means we make mistakes.”

I passed him the bag, not wanting to have this conversation anymore. “Take care of my daughter while she’s with you. She has a cell phone in this bag that can make calls to me or Liv. Have her call us if she needs anything. Nothing’s too small.”

“Got it,” Ben said, taking the bag.

We walked out of the house, and when I got into the truck with my brothers, Hayes said, “He looks like a tool.”

I chuckled, patting him on the back. “I love you too.”

61

Liv

I was pretty sure the creek had never seen this many people on it at one time. Twelve out of twenty kids from Maya’s class showed up with a parent, then my whole family was there and all the Madigan boys.

Hayes had found a waterproof speaker and was blasting Shania Twain. Fletcher was up toward the front of the group floating down the river, closer to Maya and her mom. Meanwhile, I brought up the back with my parents.

As Mom and I lagged behind, she put her hand on mine atop my tube and said, “I’m sorry about last weekend, honey. I didn’t mean to put my nose where it didn’t belong.”

My throat felt tight because I’d been holding back tears all day. “You were right, Mom.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

I let out a heavy breath before lowering my voice and saying, “Fletcher doesn’t want to get married.”

“Like soon?” she asked.

I shook my head. “He never wants to get married.”

She covered her mouth with her hands. “No, honey...”

I wiped at my face, but only accomplished rubbing some sunscreen in my eyes, making them sting even worse. “I thought we had something special, but he can’t let go of his past enough to give us a future.” Before Mom could say anything, I added, “Maya’s going to be at her mom’s for the long weekend, and I need to know if it’s okay for me to move back into the house.”

“You’re moving out? Are you sure?” she asked. “Maybe he just needs more time to get used to the idea of marrying again. Lord knows men can be slow to come around sometimes.”

“I don’t want him to ‘come around.’ I want him to want to marry me.” I half laughed through the tears. “Gosh, I shouldn’t be crying at a little girl’s birthday party. Sorry, let’s just have a good time.”

“You cry all you need,” Mom said.

I shook my head. “It’s not the time.” That would come later.

When we reached the end of our float, the table was set up on the sandy bank. I had worked all morning to make it a cute space with a colorful tablecloth and tissue paper decorations hanging from the cottonwood trees.