Page 56

Not the fake one she plastered on in LA, doing the job she hated.

Which she was still hanging on to like it was her lifeline.

I could storm to her and shake her awake and give her an ultimatum to quit, and bring her back to life again. But I knew a part of her would always regret not making that decision by herself. And that part of her would slowly despise me for making her see the big picture.

This was something Katy had to do.

On her own.

Till then, I would wait, even if it meant I had to wait forever.

I didn’t abandon her like she thought.

And I certainly didn’t leave her.

I was always by her side, whether she realized it or not. And I was never going anywhere for the rest of my life, even if there was no us.

She exited the café with the same smile still on her face, and a puff of cold air escaped her lips as she huddled closer to her jacket. It was officially fall season, and Katy always got cold, so it was always my job to carry her milkshake while she sipped on it and answered her numerous calls that she didn’t have to.

Now thinking that she only did to soothe the pain inside her, hurt more than I realized it should. I never thought much about wanting kids. I only wanted whatever Katy wanted. Back in high school, her favorite topic of conversation was fantasizing about our future while she talked hours and hours about how she would be raising our kids in the home we built for ourselves.

A home that had a tree house and a swing because she never had that growing up.

It killed me to know that I could give it all to her except the children.

A confused frown creased my eyes when I watched her take the right instead of the left.

She always returned to her hotel after getting her shake. Was she going to meet a friend instead?

Contrary to popular belief, Katy didn’t actually have many friends. I was her best friend. Evy, Lily, and now Sierra were the only girls she actually considered her best friends.

I only thought that Katy entertained her fake social circle because she loved her job. I didn’t realize that she was doing it to put a Band-Aid on her broken insides, to show me she had a perfect life.

But I never cared for her perfection. I just loved her the way she was.

A cold wind swept across my face as I came to a standstill when her foot rooted in front of a familiar building. Blueline, the apartment where my bandmates lived.

I watched my girl take a deep breath and whisper something to the sky.

For the first time in one hundred and eighty-nine days, a genuine smile lifted my lips.

The thing is, Katy thought she created someone fake and lived with her all the time.

But I knew her—I knew her more than anyone in this world.

Though I didn’t know the reason, I knew she lied. I knew she pretended. And I knew she faked.

I kept quiet only because the one thing she didn’t lie, pretend, or fake was her love for me.

A guilty part of me did keep quiet as I watched her become someone unrecognizable.

And I thought if I finally left her, she would snap out of it, but with each day, I got more skeptical.

Fear killed me alive, thinking I made the wrong fucking choice once again.

But now, watching her enter Blueline with a determined look in her eyes, hope filled my blood.

It wasn’t much, but here she was, one hundred and eighty-nine days later, taking her first step.