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A heavy flush burned the side of my neck, and I knew it washim.

Even in the cold interior of our limo, his eyes made beads of sweat roll down the curve of my spine.

His gaze was always the heaviest, like a ton of coals weighing on my bones. But I ignored him like I ignored them all.

Even though I tried my best to school my expression, my insides were a different matter.

My heart missed him, every cell of my being missed him. The pain of missing him was the only thing I felt these days.

The only feeling that kept me alive.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to see him, the pain of being in his presence hurt.

But it was impossible to avoid him, considering our circle was too fucking small, and he was the lead pianist for the band I was the manager of.

Yes, I still diligently did the job I hated, and at every event, Lan graced us with his presence. He looked like he was staring deep into my soul with his disapproving gaze.

Did he really think that after he left, I would magically change?

Just quit the only job I knew, the only purpose that I felt like I had left.

I knew what it was like to live hating every part of yourself, the poison so sweet that the more you got used to it, the more you fucking craved it.

And my body cells craved the poison of this job more than anything now.

His accusatory eyes held me like a sure fire, urging me to wake the fuck up from whatever nightmare I was stuck in. But I feared that I was too long gone.

The real Katy Evans had no chance of getting out of the dark hole she was in.

Not even her lost love could save her now.

I wasn’t a bomb waiting to be detonated. I had already detonated, and those sharp edges and combusted bits no longer scared me.

“We’re here,” Tyler announced, glancing over at us from the small window that separated the back from the front seats. “It’s all clear for us.” Tyler was Emmie’s point A guard, who also acted as the band’s main security at events.

“Thanks, Tyler,” I replied, mustering a smile.

I felt calmer knowing Tyler was in charge of handling the security.

Especially after the incident that happened a few months ago that put Evy in grave danger and Emmie in the hospital. An incident where I would’ve had a full-blown panic attack if not for my loner boy finding me in the waiting room and holding me so softly while he soothed me.

But it didn’t last long. The following morning, we went our separate ways like two strangers who met at a bar for a one-night stand and never exchanged numbers.

Our limo docking on the entry bay tugged me out of my thoughts.

We were at the Caesar’s Superdome in New Orleans for a press op to another band’s concert, and yes, my band told me we would be going slow after leaving our previous label, but I just couldn’t listen.

They were still working on the next album, and there was no scheduled tour anywhere in the future, yet I just couldn’t sit idly in an empty hotel room, missing him or wonderinghow to find me, so I kept busy and penciled in a few press rounds.

I knew they hated doing it, but they bit their tongues for me.

Given the band’s popularity, we didn’t need any press. It was actuallytheirpresence that sold out tonight’s show after we leaked that the Four Foxes would be in attendance to watch the Sinner’s, whose manager, Lexie, was eternally grateful to me for doing this for them.

As much as I loved helping out our colleagues, I was doing this for more selfish reasons. The obvious one being an opportunity to seehim.To drag him out of whatever highway he was cruising through on his favorite dark stealth Ducati 698 Monster while he left me to fend for myself.

And I wasn’t going to let him get away that easily. I knew as much as Lan loved to hide behind his motorcycle and ignore everyone, he was painstakingly diligent when it came to any band events and never missed even a single one of them.

It was sad how I had to stoop to such measures to lure him out of the wild.