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She nodded slowly. “I don’t know how else to be, Lan. I don’t know who I am anymore,” she admitted and it was the first hard, real truth she said tonight.

I loved Katy enough to admit that I was the reason for this.

If I really looked at her, really loved her, I would’ve seen this earlier, but no I didn’t and here we were years later, while my angel lost herself with the lies she told her.

It was I who caused this.

So it will be me who will fix this for her.

KATY

Icy dread and terror flooded my blood when he said nothing.

I felt mindless as everything around me crumbled, the tightly locked fake persona I created splintering like dust after an explosion.

Fear gripped every cell in my body as I watched Lan shut down, the life leaving his eyes as his emotions vanished into a cold, hard look.

Lan did that a lot, turned off his emotions like they were a click of a button, but never in all these years had I been on the receiving end of it.

The pain inside my body rose to a new high. I didn’t know what made me spill everything, but now he saw the ugly truths I kept hidden from him.

Deep down, I knew I didn’t have to become someone else for Lan to love me, but still, I couldn’t stop chasing after perfection because it was the only thing I knew.

And afterthat night,I knew nothing my life was ever going to be the same again and here I was on my knees, begging him to stay the only way I knew how.

It was all I’d ever known, to pretend, to be a people pleaser, to be a fake.

Along the way, I’d lost sight of who the real Katy Evans was.

And now, I suffer from a serious case of impostor syndrome.

Who the fuck was Katy Evans other than the carefully curated version that she built?

Who was she?

Who was I?

“If you think that I didn’t like you from the moment I met you, then you don’t really know me, Katy,” Lan said in a monotonous voice, his brooding brown eyes fixed on mine. “I loved everything about that girl and I still do. I thought of you that entire summer, thinking of a way to talk to you. I still remember that wide-eyed girl asking me if she wanted to join her brother’s band. And why the hell do you think I joined when I wanted to be a concert pianist, Katy? For you. Only you. But it looks like love isn’t enough for us after all.”

“What…what are you saying?”

“I think it’s time we call it quits, Katy.”

“We can’t,” I blurted, panicked.

“We need to. If my love made you like this, then you don’t need it anymore. You need to figure out who you are for yourself, Katy.You.It’s not something I can do for you. You need to stop pretending and faking, and suppressing who you truly are, worrying that people will judge and resent you. Who gives a fuck? Go be yourself, go find yourself. And if that real you is even a serial killer who needs help burying bodies, I will love her and bury bodies with her. Don’t be scared to show me the real version of you, angel. I promise I will love her no matter what, and I’ll be waiting till you find her. But until then, we need to stop. We’re done, K. I am done.” And without sparing me another look, he left, taking my broken heart with him.

I knew I was never going to see my Lan again for a while.

He was going to disappear, riding off to sunset on his bike across nameless cities and towns, and I knew I wouldn’t hear from him until I changed.

The thing about Lan was that he was a man of his word.

I knew if I wanted him back, I had to try to live for me.

Try to change.

But one thing about lying and faking and pretending for years is that it becomes an inherent part of you.