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“I told Baer.”

She shook her head, not understanding. “Told him what?”

“I told Baer too much. I didn’t mean to. I was angry, and I hate the way this clan forces people to—”

“Roan,” she said, interrupting me. I could see on her face that she knew what I’d done, but she asked me anyway. She said the words slowly, like she was hoping she was wrong. “What did you tell Baer?”

I hesitated, but there was no way out of this. I couldn’t take it back, and Ess needed to hear it from me.

“I told him about Fenli’s map making. And about your hunting.”

She screwed her eyes shut, her jaw tight. “You promised,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry. I know. I was trying to help.”

“Help? I’m not ready to prove myself yet. And they’ll take all Fenli’s things! She’s already in enough trouble as it is. Are you honestly trying to make everything worse?”

One hand was on her head and the other gestured wildly. Her words felt like harsh blows, bearing witness to my foolishness and my shame.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “I was trying to stand up for you two. I thought if Baer could understand—”

“If only you could understand. You are naïve, brother. This clan works against anyone who would imagine a different path forward, and our secrecy is our greatest advantage. It’s all we have.”

“But you want to be a hunter. With the clan, not in secret.”

“And I’m not ready for that, am I? You think they’ll let me try to learn?” She turned away from me, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe how stupid I was. “My only hope was to really prove myself, when I was ready. One shot.” She stopped and her shoulders, which had been high with tension, fell as she sighed. “Even that was just a dream,” she said, quieter.

“Ess, I’ll fix this.”

“Just stop,” she turned back to face me. “Don’t try to help now, and don’t pretend like you thought you were helping when you told my secrets.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but she lifted a hand, silencingme.

“You finally stood up to Baer, but who did you risk? Not yourself.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Why didn’t you tell Baer about how the clan has held you back? A marriage you didn’t ask for. Being kept in the Hinterlands for ten long years when all you wanted was to go home. You traded your friends to make Baer happy. Dropped Jory like a sack of wet linens—didn’t even look back—and picked up with Thaas because you took the hint. Thaas! Dull, boring Thaas who has the personality of a slug!”

“That’s—”

“But you didn’t bring up any of that, did you? You went to Baer on our behalf, and you kept your own business out of it.” A long pause stretched out between us. “Well, thanks for nothing.”

She walked past me, her shoulder striking mine as she left down the narrow path. If I could have thought of anything to say, I would have said it, but there was nothing that could help mend what I’d done.

If that had been Esska’s reaction, how much worse would Fenli’s be? I wished to the gods I could go on without telling her, but I knew what I had to do. I was an idiot, but I wouldn’t be a cad. I resigned myself to the hell she’d raise.

Then I struck out to find her.

Finding Fenli proved much harder. I often wondered if she’d been drawn to map making so she could better find places to hide. Explore to her heart’s content, find a hide-away all to herself, then strike it from the maps so she could keep it all to herself. It sounded like something she would do.

And like something I wished I could do.

In the end, she was out by the surf, leaning up against a boulder and watching the waves. In another hour or so the sun would besetting over the ocean, coloring the sky. For now, it was blue with a wash of fine clouds.

“There you are,” I said, coming alongside her and taking a seat. “You haven’t talked to Ess this evening, have you?”

She shook her head, still looking out over the horizon.