Page 34
Story: Feed Me to the Wolves
We got back to the village as the sun was losing to the dark and headed to my hut, hoping we’d find Fenli there, but Ess never made it. Rahv found us as we passed the meeting house and gave Ess a tongue lashing for skipping out on her afternoon job and evening chores. Ess whispered for me to let her know the moment Fenli showed up, and I gave her a single nod. Then I continued alone.
When I reached the hut, it was still empty. I let Goose out to pee and headed back to start a fire, thinking of all the different ways Fenli could have been killed, when she appeared in the doorway.
We both stared at each other for many moments, like we were surprised to be eye to eye once more. Then she shook it off and continued in, closing the door behind her.
I nearly started in on her. All my fear and worry and frustration threatened to spill over and bury her, but I refrained, if only just. Instead, I said, “Where have you been?” as innocently as possible.
She shrugged and tossed her bag on the table. She hung her jacket on the back of a chair and kicked off both boots before she realized I was still waiting for more.
“Lake Haus,” she said. “Just exploring a little.”
Liar, I thought, and while I meant to keep it as that, just a silent thought in my mind, my anger wouldn’t oblige.
“Liar,” I said aloud. She lifted her head and met my eyes. “You’re such a liar.”
Her face hardened, and even though I knew I was messing up, was going about this the wrong way, I couldn’t seem to help myself.
“You could have beenkilled. There are a thousand ways to die out there, and any one of them could have had you.”
She didn’t respond, just glared at me, so I kept on.
“Ess and I went looking for you. We were out for half the day. Lake Haus? Nice try, we were there. And we were every damn place around there, so don’t try to deny it. Do you ever tell me the truth?”
“No.”
She wasted no time answering that one.
I nodded, believing her.
“Have you ever met a wolf, Fenli?” Her tough composure faltered. “How about a bear? You could have been attacked. You could be at thebottom of a cavern, and no one would know which one because you didn’t take a partner with you.”
“And what do you care?”
“I care.”
“Why?”
“Because—because I’m responsible for you.”
Wrong thing to say. Stupid, stupid thing to say. Gods, why did I keep doing that? I was only making the divide between us wider, but my fear was on my back, pushing me blindly forward. I turned away from her and tried to get myself under control. I was being an ass. I knew it, and I had to stop. I should have been asking her if she was okay, if she was taking hate from others in the clan. I should have been making sure she knew without a doubt that I was on her side, that I would bring down hell on anyone who was giving her grief.
“The hell you’re responsible for me,” she growled, and she scooped up her boots.
“Fenli, wait,” I said when she moved for the door. She stopped with her hand on the knob. “I’m sorry. It’s just—you scared me.”
She didn’t move a muscle, and I searched for what to say next.
“Look, it won’t always be like this. The bear will move on eventually and we’ll hunt the wolves until they’re gone. When this area is better settled, it will be more like the southern village. Until then, well, you just can’t go out by yourself. It’s not safe. I was worried. It’s why I acted like an ass, and I’m sorry.”
I thought maybe she’d take her hand off the knob, come in and start in on her evening routine.
She made to leave instead.
“I made you a battle sword,” I blurted. She stalled so I went on, heading to my pack in the corner to pull it out. “I didn’t know how to give it to you. I was waiting until—I don’t know. Anyway, it’s yours.” I pulled it from its sheath and held it out to her. It was a traditional battle sword, short and designed for close contact fighting. They were part ceremonial, part useful—given to young men to celebrate their strength and provide protection in the forest. Making one for Fenli had been a mad endeavor, but after hearing yet another story of how she’d bucked Baer’s authority, I’d had the idea and hadn’t been able to shake it. I’d started on it last year, with the help of the blacksmith, and I’d dreamed of the moment I would give it to her every day since then.
This was not how I had imagined it.
For just a second, her gaze skipped over, peering at the blade I held between us. Then she looked up at me. Her eyes were everything, all at once. It was like she was feeling a million different things, and I could see them all, right there in her face. Surprise, worry, hatred, longing, hope. But most of all,fear.
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