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“Maybe you and I can find time to head out with her here and there. It won’t be a lot, but it will be something.”

I nodded, but I imagined Fenli would rather take her chances with a pack of wolves than head out with my sorry ass.

“Anyway.” I stood and set about hauling the bow and arrows up to my loft—not hiding them, because I hadn’t stolen them—but putting them away where they wouldn’t be seen because I hadn’t exactly gotten permission to borrow it all either.

“Anyway,” Ess echoed. She turned to go, then stopped in the doorway and looked back at me. “Jory is taking me out fishing later today. It would be fun if you came.”

“Oh.” I hesitated. “Today, huh? I don’t—I don’t know if…”

“Why don’t you hang out with him anymore?” she asked, cutting me off from my floundering. “When we were kids, you two were bestfriends. You, Jory, and Tovin were inseparable. Now it’s like there’s nothing there.”

I shrugged, searching for anything to say. I didn’t know how to have this conversation. She’d even brought up Tovin,shite. The three of us had been like a band of brothers. Then Jory and I had woken up one day to learn that Tovin had left in the night with his brother. Gone. No one willing to tell us why. Like the two had never been Toke’s to begin with.

“I don’t know, Ess. It just happened. Tovin left and then Baer moved me into a different hunting group. We weren’t around each other very much and—I don’t know.”

It was lame, but she nodded along. I could see she was thinking, weighing my words with something else she had spinning around in her head.

She pressed her lips together, then said, “He thinks maybe Baer told you to make some new friends.”

I blew a long breath through my lips.Damn.

“It was something like that,” I finally admitted. “Baer said it in fewer words, but that was the gist of it.”

Tovin had abandoned us, just like that; and I’d turned around and done the same thing to Jory. The shame of it burned in my chest.

“Jory doesn’t meet Baer’s standards,” she said, nodding. “If you ask me, that’s only because Baer sizes people up on the wrong set of scales.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I ended up saying, “Yeah, I guess.”

Esska shook her head, then left. I had disappointed her. Just like I had disappointed myself.

Chapter Seventeen

Fenli

Ididn’t speak a single word to Roan for the next three days, not even when I found an honest to gods mattress where my bedroll had been. It frustrated him to no end, but I was proud of myself, up until the moment it all came back to bite me in the ass.

Baer had caught wind of our issues and made it his place to get involved. He was sending Roan and me on a trip together. We’d been instructed to paddle down the Crow Wing River to where it met the North Channel. From there, we were to take the channel west towards the ocean, looking for favorable inlets where our clan could build a variety of ships. The inlet needed to be protected from the hard north winds, have easy access to preferred woods, and be large enough and deep enough for the vessels to maneuver and exit once completed. It was the kind of trip that would take up one whole day, at least, as well as require a good deal of communication between us.

And I hated Baer for it. Surely, he had men better suited to the job than the pair of us. The more I thought about it, the more I was sure he didn’t give a shite about our findings. He just wanted to get us in a canoe together, and this was the excuse. He’d have the real scouts out later.

We walked through the woods for miles as we headed to the river, and we walked each mile in silence. Roan had one of his larger knives strapped to his back, and I kept my attention on it, thinking. It was no wonder Esska had been so quick to swipe one when the opportunity arose. A useful blade was a far cry from the stubby things they gave us girls, helpful only for cutting foraged goods, herbs in the garden, bits of thread or, in my case, chunks of hair. Ess had been right to steal that knife, I decided.

Then my thoughts turned to the battle sword on the table, the one Roan had made for me and I’d refused. No matter how many times I turned it around in my head, I couldn’t imagine why he’d done it. Battle swords were an honor for the men. Part of me thought it was a joke, and another part thought it was a ploy to make me feel indebted to him. Either way, I didn’t like it. It was still there where he left it, waiting for me to pick it up. I’d only caught small glimpses of it before forcing my eyes away.

I’d rather steal something out of the supply hut.

When we’d made it to the river, Roan brought us to a small covering made for the storing of canoes and oars. It was just like the one I ventured to each time I snuck out to see the wolves, and it reminded me I was missing my outing today. Roan chose a canoe suited to the two of us, and together we carried it down to the water’s edge.

“I’ll take the rear,” he said, gesturing for me to get in first.

I already had hold of the front, so I guided it into the water’s edge and climbed in, taking up my oar. He pushed it out a bit further, took his blade off his back and tossed it in, then climbed in himself. We wobbled back and forth until we found our balance and were off, heading towards the channel, the village at our backs.

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I loved canoeing, and it always felt good to be on the water, even if I had to share a vessel with a husband. Besides, I was in the front. As much as I could, I was going to pretend that the wolf-killing man-boy I was shackled with wasn’t there.

As soon as I’d settled on the idea, he spoke up, ruining the effect.

“You hungry?”