Page 52
Story: Feed Me to the Wolves
“That’s enough,” he growled. My pulse was pounding in my ears. “She heard what you had to say. Now get out.”
Baer kept his eyes steady with mine. Then he turned and went out the door, just as quickly as he’d come.
I sat back in my chair. My mind was a blur, everything hazy. I looked at the table before me but saw through it, unfocused and unbelieving.
How had things gotten so bad? Why was I so foolish?
“Are you alright?” Roan asked.
I looked at him and blinked. Saw the split near his eye, where Axl had hit him, the bruise blooming under the skin.
He said, “He didn’t mean all that.”
I whispered, “Yes, he did.”
My shirt was red with my father’s blood, and I was screaming.
“Leave it,” someone was telling me.
The world had gone black, and my arms were being pinned down. I fought back with all I had, twisting and pulling, trying to get away butbeing held still. I only wanted to be away from the blood. I had to be. I needed to wash it off, scrub my skin raw, submerge myself in the river until I was clean.
It was all my fault.
“Leave your shirt on. Please. It was just a dream.”
I slowed down and shook the fog from my mind. I was on my mattress, and there was no blood. It was only my own sweat. Hands loosed from around my wrists. Only then did I notice Roan.
He was kneeling beside me, leaning over, his knees pressed into my side. I could see his face, lit by the candle he placed on the floor next to us. His eyes were bright. He let out a careful breath and pulled his hands back slowly.
“You alright?”
“No,” I gasped.
He nodded. “You were dreaming of your father.”
“It was all my fault,” I said, choking down gulps of air, “when he died.”
“No, it wasn’t.” He leaned in closer, as if he wasn't close enough already. His nose lined up with mine, and his hand went to my cheek, pulling my gaze to his, not letting me look away. “He was drunk. He was hurting Indi. He fell and got what he deserved. He fell and hit his head.”
“It’s not true,” I whispered. “I pushed him. Indi didn’t tell anyone the truth, so I didn’t either. But I pushed him. I’m the reason he’s dead.”
I told Roan everything. It was madness to confess after all this time of secrets and getting away with the death of my own father. But I was feeling mad. It was pressing down on me, had been suffocating me for years, and I had to let it out.
He’d come to Toke’s clan looking for us. He’d started hitting Indi. I hadn’t thought about anything but helping her. I’d shoved him. Camefrom behind and put my shoulder into his side with all I had. He’d tipped, arms wheeling briefly, and then he’d fallen. His temple met the edge of the table.
Like all the stars had aligned.
Like the universe and all the gods had conspired.
To help a six-year-old girl kill a towering man.
The guilt had been instant, and it had been overwhelming. I’d killed my father, and my mother had had to lie to hide the truth. I’d burned with shame ever since.
But now, something was different. I listened to the story as I told it from my own lips—and I realized what I never had as a child: I’d done nothing wrong. I’d stepped in to save my mother. His death was not on my hands.
It was on his own.
“Toke,” I said, breathless. I found Roan’s eyes and stared. “It’s not my fault.”
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