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I focus on her eyes and nothing else.

“I just need you to hear this, Hope. I want you to know.”

I drop my eyes to the paper again, finally ready to read. Hope squeezes my hand a final time before stepping back to give me some space. She doesn’t go far, and she still has that soft smile on her face.

In. Out. In. Out.

Just like the ocean.

“There’s so much I haven’t given myself a chance to explore yet,” I begin reading, “and even though it’s scary, it’s time to start. I’ve decided to switch my courses around next year so I can graduate with a double major. It’s occurred to me that I might not even want to work in kinesiology at all, and I’m excited to make environmental science a bigger part of my life and give myself more options. Of course, that’s going to mean spending a crazy amount of time on school work. That’s part of the reason I’ve made this next decision, but mostly, I’m doing it because I want to get to know me. I want to be everything I can be, for myself and also for the people I—I care about.”

My voice trembles, and I look up at her, hoping she’ll see everything else I typed out and then deleted because I wasn’t sure how this moment would go: I want to be all these things for her too, if she’s willing to stick around while I become them.

I don’t know how much she understands from the glance we share, but her eyes are shining again. She dips her chin in a nod.

“This will be my last season on the lacrosse team, as captain and as a player.”

Hope gasps. “Becca, you don’t have to—”

I look up again and see her face is creased with distress.

“I want to,” I tell her. “I need to.”

She looks like she wants to say more, but she stays quiet so I can start reading again.

“I’ll always be grateful for lacrosse and what it’s given me. It will always be a big part of who I am, but I’m ready to be other things now too. I don’t...I don’t know if I can ask you for a second chance, Hope. I don’t know if that’s fair, and the last thing I want to do is keep being unfair to you, but I will say this.”

I look up, just to be sure everyone is in position. Hope has been so focused on me she hasn’t noticed the whole team gathering behind her. Jane flashes me a thumbs up from her spot at the head of the group.

Jane has been a big part of pulling this day together, especially when it came to making sure Hope came to practice alone without getting suspicious. After I sent the email to the team announcing I was giving up my captaincy, I asked Jane to meet up with me.

I know how much a best friend’s support means, and I wanted Jane to hear the truth and believe it as much as I wanted the same for Hope. We talked for a long, long time, and by the end of it, she was even more ready to make this plan happen than me.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling at her. I don’t want Hope turning around just yet.

“Hope, you are an incredible combination of so many things. You’re a hilarious goof who can turn anything into a good time, but you’re also focused, responsible, and always ready to get serious when it counts. You lead by example, not force, and that’s what makes your leadership so inspiring. I know there have been things in your life that have made you doubt yourself, but no one on this team has ever doubted you, and despite what the past few weeks might indicate, I’ve never doubted you either. You have what it takes to do anything you want, and if this is something that you want, then I...”

Now I do stare past Hope and grin at the team. They all look like they’re holding their breath, and even Coach is on his tiptoes, leaning forward to catch every word I say.

“I nominate Hope Hastings to be the next UNS lacrosse captain!” I shout in the loudest, most authoritative captain voice I can manage.

The team breaks into roaring applause, jumping around and waving their sticks as they start chanting Hope’s name. She whirls around, and when she looks back over her shoulder at me, her face has gone slack with shock. I’d laugh if I wasn’t still so nervous. My stomach is so twisted I don’t know if it will ever straighten out.

I move to stand beside Hope. She keeps looking between me and the team like she’s waiting for something to click into place. Her mouth opens and closes as a few times while the team keeps carrying on with their celebrating. They’ve started doing the Lobster dance now. Even Coach is getting in on it, to everyone’s delight and mockery.

“Hope?” I say, moving in even closer so she can hear me. Our arms are just a few centimetres away from brushing. “You don’t have to accept if you don’t want to.”

I expected her to say something by now, and the longer her silence goes on, the more dread seeps into my system.

“I...I just...” She turns from watching the team to blink at me. “You want me to do it? They want me to do it? Me?”

I risk a grin. “In case you couldn’t tell, they’re in unanimous agreement over my choice.”

Her eyes are so wide. “But I...Me?”

“Yeah, you. I really meant all those things I said. You’d be perfect at it.”

“And we think you’d be perfect at it too!”