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I hold Becca’s gaze the next time she looks at me, trying to squeeze all the words I can’t say into a few seconds of eye contact. She stares like she hears me, like she wants to answer, and this time neither of us have any Corona buckets to blame it on. This is real.

This is happening.

“I just don’t understand why it died,” Paulina wails. “Rosemary is supposed to be easy! Am I being sabotaged? Is that what’s going on? Should we get a security camera?”

“Oh, Ciocia Lina.” I pat her on the shoulder, using the nickname we’ve all adopted after a few lessons in Polish pronunciation. “Is that what we should get you for your birthday? A security camera?”

Her face lights up. “Would you?”

“Guys, seriously?” Jane asks. “A security camera? For herbs? Are we running a grow-op?”

“Good idea!” Iz chimes in. “The Babe Cave could use a little extra income.”

“You mean our gnome brothel isn’t pulling its weight?” I ask.

The four of us burst out laughing while Becca and her roommates look between themselves like they’re trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

“We lead a colourful life in our house,” I explain.

Becca joins in the laughter. The conversation returns to Paulina’s struggles with rosemary as we all finish our pizza. I’ve just wiped the cheese off my fingers when a new song comes on the speakers and makes the whole team screech and jump to their feet.

“RIRI!” I shout as we form a makeshift dance floor between our tables.

We like Rihanna a lot.

“We the best music!” Iz screams out, doing their best DJ Khaled impersonation. “DJ KHALED!”

Turns out dancing to ‘Wild Thoughts’ while staring at the subject of your own wild thoughts through a crowd as she shakes her sparkly-shorts-covered ass is a pretty transcendent experience.

Becca is just so gorgeous—always, but especially in moments like this when she lets herself go and shrugs off the weight of responsibilities she always seems to carry with her.

I want her to let go with me. I want to know what that feels like.

We all dance our way through another few songs until somebody knocks over a pitcher on one of the neighbouring tables and Mario flies over to yell at us for disturbing the peace. I like to think we ensure he gets his exercise, but it’s more likely the lacrosse team is responsible for the grey hairs streaking the sides of his head.

It’s almost ten by the time we settle down and stop dancing. More and more people are filtering into the bar. Most of the team decides to head out and either call it a night or find a more low-key place to celebrate. Game days always hit hard, and even I can feel the exhaustion starting to sink in.

“Anybody coming to the Babe Cave?” Paulina asks once a big group of us have gathered in a red-sequinned herd outside the door.

“We’re off to this guy’s place,” Bailey says from under the arm of her boyfriend, who showed up during the dance party. She jerks her thumb at a few other guys and Rachelle.

A lot of the crowd went straight from the game to Mario’s, but Ethan didn’t show his face at all. I end up grinning every time I think about that.

“Becca, you calling it a night?” Rachelle asks.

Becca’s standing a few feet to my left. She shifts her weight from side to side, looking around the group. I hold my breath as I wait for her answer. She could come to our place. I didn’t even have to make the invitation myself. I don’t know what I’m hoping will happen, or what even can happen, but the night doesn’t feel done.

I don’t feel done with her.

“Um yeah, I think I am. I’m wiped out. I’m just gonna head back to the house.”

I let my breath out and feel my chest sink.

“Okay, be safe!” Bailey answers. “Text us when you get there.”

“We can walk together. You’re only a few streets away, right?” Jane asks Becca as people start to disperse.

“Yeah, that’s right.”