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My backs of my eyelids are streaked with gold. Everything is gold when I’m kissing her. She makes the whole world melt down into nothing but precious metals.

When we finally break apart, we’re both panting. Her neck is flushed the prettiest pink, and her eyes are shining with need.

“Hope,” she says, her voice heavy with intention, “I promise I’m going to fix things so I can kiss you whenever I want. I need that so bad.”

I can’t stop looking at her lips. “Me too.”

She slides her hand off my neck and runs her fingers through my hair before dropping her arm back to her side. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“Uh...” I can think of quite a few things, but they really aren’t appropriate for a sports field. “I guess, um...”

The more she looks at me like that, the harder it is to believe she’d try to hurt me. I know my head is still clouded with the kiss, but I don’t want to launch an accusation at her, not after a moment like this.

“I just...If there was something you needed to tell me, you’d tell me, right?”

She tilts her head to the side, and I realize that wasn’t exactly the clearest question ever.

“Like, you wouldn’t keep stuff from me just because you think I can’t handle it?” I ask. “I’m really worried about people doing that. Ethan did that. He just stopped telling me things because he thought it would be too much. He didn’t even ask me what too much was. He just decided for me, and it made me feel stupid.”

“You’re one of the smartest people I know.” She pauses for a second, holding my gaze. “I’m not going to decide what you get to know and what you don’t. I’m not going to decide what you can handle.”

“Okay, good.”

I take a deep breath and let that sink in. If I want this with her, I’m going to have to trust her. I won’t let the past stop me from having a future.

“So...” Becca rocks back on her heels and glances around us. “Do you want to grab some balls with me?”

I burst out laughing, and she joins in. By the time we’ve got all the scattered gear gathered up, our teammates have arrived. I catch Becca’s eye as I welcome them, and she flashes me a thumbs up.

The world is still coated in gold.

17

Becca

“Focus, Moore!”

Coach Jamal’s shout carries over the triumphant roar of the crowd in the stands and the groaning of my teammates. I just lost possession of the ball for what feels like the millionth time this game.

It’s probably more like the third time, but that doesn’t make the situation much better. We’re down by two in our Montreal match with less than half the game left.

I watch our defenders spring into action as the McGill players make their way up the field. A few good blocks slow them down, but a surprise pass sends the ball arcing through the air and straight into the basket of an opposition attacker who’s in a perfect position to score.

I hold my breath along with what feels like every other player on the field. Our goalie dives like there’s no tomorrow, but it’s not enough to stop the perfect angle of the ball as it whips past her stick and slams into the back of the net.

The stands erupt before the point is even officially called. McGill is a massive school compared to UNS, and even on a cloudy October day like this, their bleachers are full enough to make an ear-splitting amount of noise as they cheer for our demise.

Focus, Moore.

I repeat Coach’s words to myself as the ref sets up for the face-off, even though I’m pissed enough I want to snap and tell him he’s not being helpful.

I’m not really mad at him. I’m mad at myself. I’ve been off the whole game, and it’s starting to affect my teammates as they all begin to wonder what’s wrong with me and whether or not I can be trusted to catch a pass. We’re no longer a single, many-armed machine. We’ve split off into mismatched fragments with wires that don’t connect.

This is exactly how it felt after things started going bad with me and Lisa.

I shouldn’t be thinking about that. I shouldn’t be thinking about any of it. I’m creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with my constant stress, and it’s costing us the game. I realized my whole ‘wait until after the game to tell Hope everything’ plan was possibly not the best idea ever when I spent the whole twelve hour bus ride here as wide awake and jittery as someone who’d just downed two pots of coffee.

We got into the rented McGill dorms we’re staying in late last night, and everyone crashed right away to be prepared for our game at noon today. I’m not sure if I even slept. I spent most of the night listening to Bailey snoring in the bed across the room and replaying every conversation I’ve had with Hope this week.