Page 65

She comes out with a water glass for me and a wine glass for her. The glass top of her coffee table tings as she sets them down and settles herself beside me on the faux-leather couch. She’s made the apartment look way nicer and fresher than the rest of the old, slightly decrepit building. Her two dozen house plants and giant, fluffy pink area rug really spruce the place up, along with the warm orange and red prints of three Hindu deities that take up most of the wall behind the couch.

“The quiche still needs twenty minutes.”

I drop my head back and groan. “Worth the wait. I can’t believe you made quiche. I feel spoiled.”

She laughs. “Yeah, turns out not being on the lacrosse team gives me time to cook things besides scrambled eggs and instant noodles.”

“I eat more than instant noodles!” I protest.

“Yeah, but you’re an obsessive athlete who prioritizes making detailed nutrition plans. The rest of us don’t get up before six in the morning every day.”

“I mean...fair enough.”

We both laugh as we clink our glasses together and take a sip.

“How are your classes going?” I ask. I’m trying not to bounce my knees or pick at her throw pillows or do anything else to let her know I’ve been freaking out for forty-eight hours straight.

She doesn’t need me to monopolize our friendship with my problems again.

“They’re great. Tough, but great. Seems like I’m actually going to graduate on time.”

I finish off a frantic swig of water. “That’s so exciting. You’ll be, like, done. It’s crazy that we’re already in fourth year.”

“Mhmm.” She’s giving me the side-eye like she knows something’s up, but I just keep trudging through the conversation.

“And how are your parents?”

“Still good.” Now she’s really giving me a weird look, but she keeps indulging me. “Still probably not interested in having a bisexual daughter, but what else is new? My brother’s probably going to get engaged soon, so my mom is really pushing the whole ‘when are you going to start a family thing?’ with me. It just sucks because we’re so close otherwise, and I wish I could share my whole self with them.”

“That does really suck.” I give her arm a squeeze. “You know I’m here for you.”

She nods and smiles. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

We sip our drinks in silence for a moment. I look down and realize I’ve started bouncing my heels on the ground in a manic rhythm. Kala notices too.

“Okay, what is up with you, Becca?”

I drum my fingers on the side of my water glass. “Um, nothing. Just stressed about school I guess.”

“Bullshit.”

I force myself to stop fidgeting and sit completely still. Kala sighs.

“Becca, come on. You don’t have to worry about atoning for your sins or whatever it is you think you have to do in this friendship. This is about that girl on the team, isn’t it? You can talk to me about it. I’m not going to be mad.”

“Shouldn’t you be?” I set my water down and put one of the throw cushions on my lap so I can keep my hands busy by squeezing it. “Shouldn’t you be mad I’m doing this again?”

“Beccaaaaaaa!” She throws her hands in the air. “You just like a girl who happens to be on your team. It’s not a war crime. I feel like you think dating Lisa caused this cataclysmic apocalypse that made everyone hate you. Like yes, some people were pissed, but that was mostly because Lisa was acting freaking insane.”

“I hurt you,” I point out. I make myself hold her gaze as I say it.

“And you apologized, and I accepted,” she answers. “I was only ever hurt because it felt like you were choosing this person who treated me horribly, who treated you horribly, and I couldn’t understand why. I know now it was more complicated than that. You really trusted her, and she was your first real girlfriend.”

We chuckle at the memory of our fumbling attempt at dating. Even those photographed kisses were awkward.

“I haven’t gotten to have that yet,” she continues, “and I’d probably fight for it just as hard as you did. It was just really hard to see that with everything I had going on...”

“Kala, don’t ever say that.” I inch closer to her and take her hand in mine. “You were going through one of the hardest things a person can go through, and I never should have put you in a position where that felt like a problem.”