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“We’ll do it!” I say before I can give myself a chance to hesitate.

I’m done listening to the little nagging voice that tells me I’m not cut out for responsibilities like this. I’m done questioning the compliments I get and wondering if I’m really responsible or just a fraud.

I loved running tryouts, and I was good at it. I want to do more with the team, and I’m not going to turn the opportunity down just because I need to put in more effort than other people to balance my school work with the rest of my life.

“Great!” Coach claps me on the shoulder. “I’ll send an email tonight.”

He heads over to his bag so he can make a note in his phone about it. Most of the team is gone now. I turn to face Becca and nudge her foot with my stick.

“Look at us! The dynamic duo!”

She smiles and shakes her head. “You are such a dork.”

“You like it.”

Her eyes flash, and once again, I’m thinking about being naked and on top of her.

“I do.”

We stand there staring at each other long enough that my fingers are twitching with the need to touch her. I’m seconds away from forgetting everything else and just lunging for her when Coach’s shouted goodbye snaps the magnetism between us.

“We should head in,” Becca says after we’ve answered him.

We walk back to the athletics centre together and head to the locker room. A few of our teammates are still sitting around chatting, and I can hear some of the showers going.

“I’m gonna rinse off,” Becca announces before walking over to her locker.

I get caught up in a conversation with a few of the girls about things to do in Montreal. I’ve been a bunch of times to visit my brother, so they’re all eager for suggestions. By the time we wrap up, I realize I’m the only one who hasn’t changed yet. I haven’t even put my stick away.

“Go ahead,” I tell the group when they ask if they should wait for me. “I have to study after this, so I’m going straight to the library.”

I decide the library probably won’t appreciate me smelling like a sweaty jock and pull out my stuff to take a shower. I can still hear water running, and it’s more than a little distracting to know Becca is literally wet and naked just a few meters away from where I’m standing. My footsteps echo as I pad around the locker room, checking if there’s anyone else here.

I don’t know if Becca would be down for some illicit fun, but it’s worth scoping out the area to see if that would even be possible.

I’m out of sight in one the locker bays when I hear two of my teammates leaving the showers and walking back over to the bay that houses the lacrosse lockers. It’s hard to be sure, but I’m pretty sure they’re two of the older girls on the team who I don’t talk to very much.

“Okay, so tell me if I’m imagining this, but do you get, like, a vibe between Cap and Hope?”

The question carries over the lockers to where I’m standing. I freeze. I can hear them shuffling their stuff around, and I strain my ears to pick up on the other girl’s answer.

“Cap and Hope? Huh. What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. Just a feeling. I noticed them sharing this, like, blazing look at practice the other day, and they just seem way closer than they used to be.”

“You really think Becca would be involved in something like that?”

A locker bangs shut.

“Yeah, that’s the thing. Becca’s the one who started the whole ‘don’t date your teammates’ rule.”

I almost blow my cover by staggering back a few steps and bumping into the locker behind me. Thankfully the impact isn’t very loud; I don’t know how I would explain creepily listening into their conversation.

I also don’t know how to explain their conversation itself. I knew the ‘no dating’ thing was important to Becca, but she’s never mentioned starting the rule herself. It’s been a thing the whole time I’ve been at UNS. I never questioned it. It seemed like a logical-if-a-little-strict part of the team’s culture, especially since there’d been drama in the past.

When people said ‘drama in the past,’ I always assumed ancient past.

“Well, if they’re gonna date, I just hope they come out with it. I don’t care if people on the team date. I just care if they turn it into this big secretive, dramatic thing, you know?”