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“Please stay in the carsir.” I heard the officer’s partner tell Spencer who was now trying to escape.

I punched him oncemore. “Don’t move.” My glare focused on Tommy behind me. “Do something abouthim!”

“What the fuck am Igonna do?” Tommy asked with the same laziness he had before, his eyes focusedon the officer trying to control Spencer.

“Sir, can you pleasestep out of the vehicle?” he asked me.

I did as he said but asI leaned against the side of the car, Spencer slid over into the driver’s seatattempting to get out. “Sir, I told you to stay in the car. If you don’tlisten, I will be forced to handcuff you.”

“Oh fuck that. Youain’thandcuffing shit.” was his response. “You need toback off. I have rights you know.”

“All right, sir,” saidthe officer as he whipped out his handcuffs. “I warned you enough times. I’mgoing to have to detain you now.”

That shut him up or atleast his attempts at moving. Nothing could stop his fucking mouth.

“Wait,” Spencer held uphis hands. “My wife will kill me if I get arrested, please don’t! I’ll bequiet. I promise.”

I sighed shaking myhead in disbelief that this night could get any worse after that horrifying lapdance. It was turning out to be the worst night of my life and it was supposedto be my bachelor party, a time where most men have a good time and wake upremembering nothing. I had a feeling I’d remember this for a while, partlybecause of a possible DUI and jail time if Spencer didn’t shut the fuck up. I’msure dad and Simplex would love this one.

A few minutes later,I’m sure you know who to thank for this but we were all in the back of thepatrol car as the cops did backgrounds checks or whatever it was that they do.

Next to us sat a kid, Iassumed, who could pass for Eminem’s brother.

Just so you know,because it’s not at all comfortable, if you crammed four male adults into theback of a squad car, you are practically sitting on each other’s laps.

“Whereyouheadin’ Slim Shady?”Spencer asked himeventually when it was obvious we were going to be back here for a littlewhile.

“Spencer,” I saidpleadingly looking over at the kid between us. “I’m sorry. He was dropped onhis head as a child. He’s mentally retarded.”

I frequently foundmyself having to make excuses for Spencer’s behavior. And I wasn’t surprised atall this was the second time, tonight, that I’d told someone he was mentallyretarded.

Tommy started laughing onthe other side of Spencer to the point where I actually thought he was crying.Complete one-eighty from his previous lazy ass. Being arrested does things topeople though.

“Oh come on, I wouldn’tsay that,” Spencer jumped in glaring at Tommy and then focused on me again.

“I would.”

“Well, being classifiedas retarded, no, I don’t think so. That is a very serious mental disorder. It’snot something to just throw out there. You shouldn’t make fun of people withthat disorder. They had no control over it.Like crabs.There’s no controlling that shit.”

“What?”

“Retardation, Jameson.”He rolled his eyes. “Please try to follow the conversation for once. You getdistracted way too easily and I’m left trying to explain things to you.”

Ignoring him, I focusedon the kid again. I wasn’t entirely serious when I asked my next question, butI asked anyways.

“What are you back herefor?” I asked nonchalantly, trying to hide my fear of my dad murdering me forbeing arrested again by picking at the hole in my jeans.

“Murder I suppose. Ikilled my brother,” He said, looking directly at me and then to Spencer as asly grin tugged at his chapped lips.

It was right about thenI notice blood on his army green jacket.

“Nice. I wascontemplating killing mine,” I told him as coolly as I could, still picking myjeans.“Any pointers?”

I could see Spencerslowly shimmying away from the kid out of the corner of my eye. This amused me.

Tommy, well, he lookedlike his face was brighter than his hair.

The kid glanced atSpencer and then me. “Yeah, don’t get caught.”