Page 124
Story: Black Flag
And then I saw thehurt. Hurt for us. Hurt for her. Hurt for me.
“Because I had todosomething Sway,” I finally exploded. I couldn’t take itany longer. “I couldn’t sit back and act like it didn’t happen. Act as if hedidn’t take something so personal from you, from me! I can’t be with you everysecond of the day, though I would if I could. It scares the shit out of me. Idon’t want to be like this...soprecariously codependent on you. But I am.” My voice cracked in frustration. “Ihad to do something.” I turned away from her, unnerved by the moisture in myeyes. Several tense, painful seconds went by as I struggled to get it together.“He could havekilledyou and my son, imagine how that felt to me.”
Sway’s voice was justabove a whisper. “Don’t you see Jameson—you can’t protect me all the time. Youshouldn’t have to. We shouldn’t be...”her voice faded.
My eyes tightened ather words. I fucking knew this was coming. I knew she would have a reactionlike this at some point. And now she was at the worst possible time.
“Sway,” I pleaded,reaching for her. “Don’t do this...please...honey...”
“You don’t understand.”She said pushing me away.
How the fuck could shepossibly think that? What didn’t I understand?
I shook my head slowlystaring at the floor and not a lot else.
“I don’t understand?” Irepeated in disbelief. Reaching forward, I placed my hand under her chinforcing her to look at me. “I’m going to pretend...you didn’t just say that to me.”
Sway flinched at thesound of my icy voice. It was rare for me to ever direct this type of angertoward Sway but that statement royally pissed me off. I was absolutely lividthat she believed that enough to say it.
“Are you thinking...of leaving me?”
She didn’t say anythingjust stared at me, blank and completely unreadable.
I pulled away, angerpulsing through me as I tried to control myself in front of her, and which Iwas failing at miserably. Instinctively I hurled a vase of flowers toward thewall, the loud crash of glass hitting the wall echoed through the silent room.
My furious gaze methers. Sway just continued to stare back at me in abject horror before I turnedto walk away. I just laid everything I had on the line for what...her to leave when shit got real?
What I knew in my heartthough, that wasn’t Sway.
“Oh god!” she criedhysterically. “Jameson, I’m so sorry, no...no...Ican’t leave you, please...don’t leave...that wasn’t what I meant...” her voice trailed off as speakingbecame impossible through her tears.
My aggression got to meand I punched the door before I had her in my arms instantly, Sway clung to meas though I was her lifeline to breathe; frantically grabbing anywhere shecould to get closer to me. Her arm circled tightly around my neck.
I wanted so badly tostay and hold her like I should after that but I couldn’t, I had no otherchoice.
“It’s okay, I know.” Imurmured. “I know...I’m sorry. I’m sofucking sorry.”
Kyle rapped lightly onthe door and stuck his head in pointing to his watch. “I’m really sorry to interruptyou guys but...we need to get to thetrack.” I nodded annoyed my time with her was up and irritated that we spentthe last few minutes arguing.
My eyes flickered backtoward Sway.
“I’m sorry honey, but Ireally do have to go.” Standing beside her bed, my knuckles rubbed against therail, wincing when I saw the tears return. “I’ll be back tonight after therace.”
She only nodded. Ididn’t know if it was all the medication she was on or if this was just toohard for her, either way, it left me feeling more like an asshole for leaving.
I carefully leanedforward to rest my hand on her belly, and kissed her. Her lips were soft andwarm and everything I wanted to feel in that instant. Without another word,only because I knew my voice would fail me, I mouthed “I love you,” backingaway from her bedside. Watching in despondency as tears slipped down herbruised cheek my heart was breaking, my gut wrenching in pain to stay.
I hated this part of myjob. But I chose this profession, I signed a contract. I had commitments that Icouldn’t walk away from without ruining everything I’d ever worked for. Thiswas the entire reason why I didn’t want Sway caught up in my life style tobegin with. How could I have asked her to be with me knowing damn well Icouldn’t provide her with the security she needed? Sway needed a man who wouldbe there for her when she needed him. Be there when their child was born, andbe there when her dad died. At this point, I had no idea where I would be whenthe baby was born. I had no idea where I would be when Charlie died.
Alley met us at the endof the hallway. Emma was leaning against the wall staring at her quarterdiamond ring and holding a wedding planner.
“Emma...will you...stay with her?” I asked tipping my head toward Sway’s room.
She didn’t answer, justsmiled widely and headed for the room with the wedding planner.
Alley laughed, tuckinga strain of loose black hair behind her ear. “I feel bad for Sway. And by theway, congrats on it being a boy.”
“How did you know?”
“Because I had todosomething Sway,” I finally exploded. I couldn’t take itany longer. “I couldn’t sit back and act like it didn’t happen. Act as if hedidn’t take something so personal from you, from me! I can’t be with you everysecond of the day, though I would if I could. It scares the shit out of me. Idon’t want to be like this...soprecariously codependent on you. But I am.” My voice cracked in frustration. “Ihad to do something.” I turned away from her, unnerved by the moisture in myeyes. Several tense, painful seconds went by as I struggled to get it together.“He could havekilledyou and my son, imagine how that felt to me.”
Sway’s voice was justabove a whisper. “Don’t you see Jameson—you can’t protect me all the time. Youshouldn’t have to. We shouldn’t be...”her voice faded.
My eyes tightened ather words. I fucking knew this was coming. I knew she would have a reactionlike this at some point. And now she was at the worst possible time.
“Sway,” I pleaded,reaching for her. “Don’t do this...please...honey...”
“You don’t understand.”She said pushing me away.
How the fuck could shepossibly think that? What didn’t I understand?
I shook my head slowlystaring at the floor and not a lot else.
“I don’t understand?” Irepeated in disbelief. Reaching forward, I placed my hand under her chinforcing her to look at me. “I’m going to pretend...you didn’t just say that to me.”
Sway flinched at thesound of my icy voice. It was rare for me to ever direct this type of angertoward Sway but that statement royally pissed me off. I was absolutely lividthat she believed that enough to say it.
“Are you thinking...of leaving me?”
She didn’t say anythingjust stared at me, blank and completely unreadable.
I pulled away, angerpulsing through me as I tried to control myself in front of her, and which Iwas failing at miserably. Instinctively I hurled a vase of flowers toward thewall, the loud crash of glass hitting the wall echoed through the silent room.
My furious gaze methers. Sway just continued to stare back at me in abject horror before I turnedto walk away. I just laid everything I had on the line for what...her to leave when shit got real?
What I knew in my heartthough, that wasn’t Sway.
“Oh god!” she criedhysterically. “Jameson, I’m so sorry, no...no...Ican’t leave you, please...don’t leave...that wasn’t what I meant...” her voice trailed off as speakingbecame impossible through her tears.
My aggression got to meand I punched the door before I had her in my arms instantly, Sway clung to meas though I was her lifeline to breathe; frantically grabbing anywhere shecould to get closer to me. Her arm circled tightly around my neck.
I wanted so badly tostay and hold her like I should after that but I couldn’t, I had no otherchoice.
“It’s okay, I know.” Imurmured. “I know...I’m sorry. I’m sofucking sorry.”
Kyle rapped lightly onthe door and stuck his head in pointing to his watch. “I’m really sorry to interruptyou guys but...we need to get to thetrack.” I nodded annoyed my time with her was up and irritated that we spentthe last few minutes arguing.
My eyes flickered backtoward Sway.
“I’m sorry honey, but Ireally do have to go.” Standing beside her bed, my knuckles rubbed against therail, wincing when I saw the tears return. “I’ll be back tonight after therace.”
She only nodded. Ididn’t know if it was all the medication she was on or if this was just toohard for her, either way, it left me feeling more like an asshole for leaving.
I carefully leanedforward to rest my hand on her belly, and kissed her. Her lips were soft andwarm and everything I wanted to feel in that instant. Without another word,only because I knew my voice would fail me, I mouthed “I love you,” backingaway from her bedside. Watching in despondency as tears slipped down herbruised cheek my heart was breaking, my gut wrenching in pain to stay.
I hated this part of myjob. But I chose this profession, I signed a contract. I had commitments that Icouldn’t walk away from without ruining everything I’d ever worked for. Thiswas the entire reason why I didn’t want Sway caught up in my life style tobegin with. How could I have asked her to be with me knowing damn well Icouldn’t provide her with the security she needed? Sway needed a man who wouldbe there for her when she needed him. Be there when their child was born, andbe there when her dad died. At this point, I had no idea where I would be whenthe baby was born. I had no idea where I would be when Charlie died.
Alley met us at the endof the hallway. Emma was leaning against the wall staring at her quarterdiamond ring and holding a wedding planner.
“Emma...will you...stay with her?” I asked tipping my head toward Sway’s room.
She didn’t answer, justsmiled widely and headed for the room with the wedding planner.
Alley laughed, tuckinga strain of loose black hair behind her ear. “I feel bad for Sway. And by theway, congrats on it being a boy.”
“How did you know?”
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 155
- Page 156
- Page 157
- Page 158
- Page 159
- Page 160
- Page 161
- Page 162
- Page 163
- Page 164
- Page 165
- Page 166
- Page 167
- Page 168
- Page 169
- Page 170
- Page 171
- Page 172
- Page 173
- Page 174
- Page 175
- Page 176
- Page 177
- Page 178
- Page 179
- Page 180
- Page 181
- Page 182
- Page 183
- Page 184
- Page 185
- Page 186
- Page 187
- Page 188
- Page 189
- Page 190
- Page 191
- Page 192
- Page 193
- Page 194
- Page 195
- Page 196
- Page 197
- Page 198
- Page 199
- Page 200
- Page 201