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Story: Before & After You

Kat shakes her head with a grin as she starts to say something, but Sita quickly bulldozes over her words. “Wait, wait, wait!” she says, looking both Kat and Maggie in the eyes with exaggerated seriousness before continuing. “You two better make this fast, or I’ll strangle you myself.”

They laugh in response.

“Calm down, crazy pants. I already planned on it,” Kat answers.

“Same. We’re here for the juicy stuff, and we all know it,” Maggie says, but now she’s the one who looks like the cat that ate the canary.

I narrow my eyes at her, and she smiles a secret smile. Okay,interesting.Definitely coming back to that.

“So,” Kat starts in on her Three S’s. “Sorry-not-sorry, Sita, but I can’t hold this in any longer—the hubby and I have definitely decided we’re officially trying for a baby!” she rushes happily.

“Ahh! Yay!” I gush, and Maggie echoes my excitement as we sandwich her in a three-way hug.

“This is amazing news! I cannot wait for squishybaby cheeks!”Maggie squeals.

“Truly amazing, love.” Sita slides her hand over Kat’s with genuine happiness tilting her lips and shining in her eyes.

We all express a few more rounds of encouragement and excitement over this amazing turn of events before Kat says, “And I’m absolutely positive Sita might actually explode if we don’t move this along, and I’m not looking to become collateral damage in that mess, so let’s do this…”

We take a collective breath and turn our attention to Mags.

She smiles another mysterious, mischievous smirk and says, “I’m going to ask Sam out tonight.”

“Wait, what?!” Kat and I both scream at the same time. Probably a little too loud for the rest of the bar, but whatever.

“Yes!” I shout. “When? Now? Do it now. You have to do it now, Mags.” I’m not giving her the chance to back out. No way, no how. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment for…forever. My entire life, maybe.

“Oh, you just had to go and do it, didn’t you?” Sita complains.

“Do what?” Maggie mocks her, feigning innocence.

“Come up with literally theonlyviable distraction good enough for Jess’s Three S’s to wait. You better not let me down, girl! This is happening. And it’s happening right now.”

I crack up. We all do.

And it’s sort of perfect. Because I kind of, desperately—selfishly—want to keep the details of last night,and this morning, to myself for just a little bit longer anyway.

Seventy Before

I FELT THEdarkness beckoning before I even woke. My limbs were heavy, weighted to the bed, to Greyson.

Everything,every piece of me, was heavy. My chest, my breaths, my heart. Every cell, every thought, every bitter and broken and devastated one felt like a thousand pounds dragging me down.

I was slipping, so fast, into the dark.

The suffocating pressure strangling my throat, the cage around my chest imprisoning my breaths, the pain spearing through my body—I thought I was prepared, for the emotional upheaval, but I had no idea,no clue, it would hurt this much.

It took effort just to breathe through the pain without breaking.

How?How was I supposed to get through this day? How was I supposed to say goodbye and not feel like I was dying inside?

Because I’d known all along that God was never going to let me keep Greyson. Even after everything we’d shared these last few weeks, I knew that. I just hadn’t realized he was going to rip my heart out and force me to watch him walk away with it, too.

I didn’t know how to survive it.

So I turned my face away from the sun and held onto him for dear life, counting at least a thousand breaths before I sat up in bed and wiped away the tears that fell down my cheeks, forcing myself to focus on something—anything—else.

We still had time. Hours, minutes.Focus on that.