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Regret immediately rolled through my stomach.What the hell did I just do?

He ran his hand through my hair, and I closed my eyes.

What you clearly wanted to do, you idiot,I answered my own question, trying not to think about the way I’d felt Greyson’s eyes burning holes into my retreating back as I’d led Jaymes down the hallway and into his room. Or the way Jaymes was currently pressing small kisses up and down my neck, staking his claim.

Nail, meet coffin.You can’t take it back now.

“You good?” Jaymes asked, pulling me away from those thoughts, and pulling himself away from my throat to look into my eyes.

I smiled halfheartedly. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Then what’s that raincloud of thought behind those sexy eyes of yours about?”

I had to physically hold myself back from rolling said eyes. I shrugged instead. “I’m thinking about how much of a child you are. ‘Give an inch, take a mile’ ring a bell? I don’t go around kissing just anyone, you know.”

He laughed. “Believe me, I know.God, do I know. You give hard-to-get a whole new meaning, Jess.”

“Shut up.” I shoved him.

“Why is that, though?

“Why is what?”

“That you don’t hook up?”

I shrugged again. “Doesn’t really appeal when you’ve had men twice your age trying to grope you since you can remember,” I answered without thought.

“The fuck?” He reared back, dark eyes boring into mine.“Who?”he questioned, looking ready to beat someone down in my honor. I’m not going to lie and say that it didn’t make me feel good inside, that someone cared that much.

“My mom’s boyfriends,” I answered. “Her sugar-daddies, her drug-dealers—you name it. She didn’t care that they hit on me; they did it right in front of her face, and she didn’t do anything about it.” Out of all the people I would’ve thought I’d be comfortable enough telling this to, Jaymes would’ve been dead last. I guess there was a first time for everything.

Proven by that stupid, stupid kiss, my subconscious reminded me.

Go to hell, subconscious.

“That ever happens again, you tell me. I’ll beat the shit out of whoever tries to touch my girl,” he said.

I snorted. “Sure thing.” I didn’t correct him, because he always called me his girl. Way before tonight ever happened.

“Jess, baby. You finally let me inside you.” He smiled mischievously, tapping my forehead. ADD, this guy. No. Really. And it showed. “It all makes sense now. But it was only a matter of time before you fell prey to my charm…

“So, you want to let me inside you in other ways?” He moved his lower half against me suggestively.

“Ha! No. Go to bed.” I hit his shoulder, forcing him to lie down again. I turned off the light and pulled the covers up, and he wrapped his arm around me, breathing in contentment against my spine as we slowly drifted to sleep.

I still remember those last thoughts I’d had before completely succumbing. How sometimes it felt like I’d been handed this life with full control, with nothing out of reach if I wanted it badly enough. But how other times it felt like I’d been strategically placed exactly where I was. Like a piece on a game board, destined to go down certain paths, where the only control I actually had was over the small fragments of time in-between all the places I was pre-destined to land.

Like there, in Jaymes’ bed.

Because no matter how badly I hadn’t wanted things to end up that way, and no matter how hard I’d tried to fight it, it felt like God had other plans for me all along, and the joke was on me. The joke had always been on me.

Thirty-two Before

WE WERE ATlunch the next day, sitting at a small table in the middle of the quad.We,as in Sara and Jaymes, and a few of his other friends. But also “we” as in whatever it was that Jaymes and I were supposed to be to each other now. He’d shown up at school that morning with a donut and iced coffee in hand—for me—kissed me on the cheek, wrapped his arm around my waist, and walked me to class, officially staking his claim for everyone to see.

But he’d also slapped Sara on the ass as we’d dropped her by her class first, had bought another girl lunch ten minutes ago, and had slipped a note from a different one into his pocket. So, we weren’ttogether,together. Which honestly, was a huge relief. But also, he definitely felt like our kiss gave him permission to touch me a whole lot more than either one of us was used to—which was saying a lot. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

His fingers were currently hanging from my back pocket as he talked with the guys. I focused on my sketchbook in front of me, drawing Sara’s profile. She was quiet today. Withdrawn. I chalked it up to her a-hole of a father, because she always got like that after he’d been in town for the weekend. But it felt like something bigger must have gone down, because she was even quieter than usual. Even more pissed off at the world than she usually was, too.