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I’m finding that I’m far less patient than I used to be. I’m dying to see you again. Come to my place this Saturday, 7pm?

Followed by his address.

It didn’t take me long to agree. A slightly embarrassing thirty seconds, maybe. But hell, if he isn’t here to play games then neither am I. And every cell of my body rages with the need to see him again.

My mind goes haywire with the possibilities.

I force in a deep breath and push those thoughts away from the forefront of my mind, gently shoving them back into a dark corner for later, and focus on my girls. Their banter, their laughter.

The way it fills my heart with light and happiness.

It’s forty-five minutes later when they’ve finished their assault on my wardrobe and face. I’m all ready to go, looking next level thanks to my three best friends. My long, dark waves, smoky eyes, and nude lips are a definite step up from my own capabilities, and at the risk of sounding completely into myself:I look pretty damn good.

“Thank you, guys! I love you!” I yell from where I’m now standing in my front yard, arms wrapped firmly around my tree. A deep breath in and a deep breath out while I wait for my car to show.

“It’s nothing.” Sita waves me off. “But get your tree-hugging ass back inside your house for a send-off shot,” she finishes with an amused laugh.

“A send-offtoast!” Maggie adds.

“Is she seriously hugging her tree again?” I hear Kat say, and I can’t help but laugh, the sound echoed by my girls.

It’s an ongoing joke—the tree-hugging. But they’re used to it. My entire neighborhood is probably used to it at this point if I’m being honest. But hey, none of them should be knocking it until they’ve tried it. Because let them wrap their arms around a solid tree like this one and tell me that that shit doesn’t bring them some inner peace.

I tear myself away from my front yard with a laugh, make my way back inside, and scoot onto a stool at my bar top as Sita slips me a shot of tequila, a smile still curving my lips.

“To Jess!” she cheers. “And a night of rekindling.” She winks, and my stomach fills with warmth, with all the possibilities I tucked away earlier.

“To Jess, and a night of reconnecting,” Kat adds, and I blow her a kiss.I love you,she mouths, and I mouth it back with a smile.

“And to Jess,” Maggie says last, eyes shining with emotion as her lips curve into a smile of her own. I find myself holding my breath as she continues. “And the beginning of what we all hope is your happily ever after.”

Her words immediately choke me up, hitting me somewhere deep and vulnerable. I blink back my tears—my hopes, my fears, my expectations. But along with all of that, her words carry in the current of nerves I’ve managed to keep hidden away for the past hour. A rush of butterflies and excitement, too.

The beginning.

Or the ending, maybe. The ending to an upside down, backwards,beautifulhappily ever after that already began eight years ago.

Fifty-five After

I DON’T THINKhe did it intentionally, but Greyson taught me that I was worth something.

He taught me to dream, beyond the simple kind of hope I knew. He taught me to live.

And he loved me—in his own way. Patient, reserved. Valuing me and my feelings, and what he thought was right for the both of us, above anything else.

It was the kind of love that made me see myself in a new light. The kind that made me grow to like myself for the person I saw in his eyes. The kind that taught me to love myself for exactly who I was, pain, and scars, and past included.

He taught me that my circumstances did not dictate my future, because he’d been through a childhood of darkness, too, but every day, he chose happiness. He chose a smile, and kind words, and the belief in a future for himself that was different from what he knew.

And I had noticed it right away—how happy he was. It was just that it had taken me a while to realize he was actively choosing that happiness every day. That he was fighting to rise from his circumstances instead of allowing them to drag him under.

It was the bravest thing I’d ever seen. And it was the most important thing he ever taught me.

I never thanked him for that.

It’s the one thing I absolutely plan on telling him tonight, though, among too many other things. But he deserves to know that. At the very least, he deserves to know that he is one of the greatest gifts this life has ever given me.

And that I am so,so fucking sorry,I ever let him go without telling him that.