Page 18 of You Started It

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I’ve been sitting parked in my car in the driveway for almost half an hour, waiting for my mom’s bedroom light to go off. I don’t want to see her. Because if I do, I won’t be able to hold back the deluge of emotions boiling inside of me. She’s responsible for all of this.

A loud thud on the passenger-side window causes me to scream and maybe pee myself a little.

“Jam-e? What’re you doing?” Amo Eli asks, thick brows pinched together. An annoyed sigh escapes before I open my door and step outside. He’s with Eric because of course he is. That’s what couples in a healthy relationship do on Saturday nights. They hang out together.

“I was just listening to music,” I lie.

“I didn’t hear any music. Did you hear music?” Eli asks Eric.

“Your niece is entitled to privacy, Eli. Let’s not pry,” Eric says. I want to shout “thank you,” but all I manage is a half-hearted smile.

“Fine, but have your entitled privacy inside the house. It’s cold,” Eli says, shivering. “I’ll make you hot chocolate. Or wait, it’s pumpkin spice season, isn’t it? Would you rather have that as your sad autumn girl drink?”

“I apologize on his behalf,” Eric says, guiding Eli toward the front door while I drag my feet behind them.

Eli fumbles with the keys before he unlocks the door. We all walk through the threshold and I hold in my breath, praying she doesn’t come down.

“Where’s Axel?” Eli asks. “I thought he was taking you to karaoke. Oops. I’m not supposed to know that,” he says, covering his mouth. I’m starting to wonder if Eli has had one too many gins and tonics tonight.

“Karaoke? Now that’s some straight-up white-people shit.” Eric laughs. “I can say that because my mom’s white. Just know neither my white nor Black side approves.”

“Wait,” I say, grabbing Eli’s arm. “You knew I was going to a karaoke bar? Did you know why?”

Eli shakes his head. “No. Well, he did tell me he wanted you to meet his friends. Flipper and Petrol? That’s all I got out of him.”

“Finn and Diesel,” I mutter under my breath.

Eli and Eric remove their shoes and head to the kitchen. “Come on,” Eli says, looking back at me. “I’ll make you that basic-girl drink. Eric loves it.”

“ I love it? You’re the most basic bitch I know,” he teases.

“I’ll be right there,” I say, sitting on the bench and untying my boots. My phone keeps lighting up. Texts and calls from Axel. Surprised he cares enough to keep trying. Or maybe he just wants to make sure I pay him back for Betty White. Which I intend to do ASAP. No more new books. For real. And I guess this also means no more drives to and from school. I’ll have to avoid Shawarma Sitty too. And Varley Crescent. And Maple View High. I wonder: If I start digging a hole now, how long will it take before it’s big enough for me to crawl into?

“Jamie?”

Shit.

“I wasn’t expecting you home for another hour at least. Everything okay?” Mom asks, standing on the lower landing of the staircase, dressed in a fluffy pink robe. Eli bought it for her ironically and she wears it all the time.

I rise from the bench, gripping my phone. “No. Everything isn’t okay.”

She comes down the last three steps so she’s in front of me, the top of her head at my chin. How could someone this tiny be such a destructive force in my life?

“I saw him tonight,” I say, expecting her to read my mind. Truth is, I’m so angry it’s hard to formulate coherent sentences.

“Axel? Yeah. You told me you were going out with him.”

“Not the him I was talking about.” I swallow as my heart drums against my chest.

“Ben?” she asks, like this is some sort of guessing game.

“No, Mom. Not Ben. Not Axel. Dad. I saw Dad tonight.”

Her face drops and she looks away. “Oh.”

“Is that all you have to say? Oh?” My chest heaves as my voice rises. My anger is an airborne disease, leaving no one safe in its presence.

“Uh, where? Um…” She keeps pausing and stuttering. She’s been found out and she knows it.

“Kit’s Karaoke Dive. Turns out he’s the manager there. Gave me his business card and everything.”

“So you, um, you talked to him?” she asks, folding her arms across her chest. She still isn’t making eye contact.

“Yeah. I talked to him for the first time in over three years. And you want to know what I found out? The reason he hasn’t reached out is because of you. You won’t let him.”

She shakes her head almost dizzyingly. Eli comes out of the kitchen to find me and Mom still in the foyer. Mom holds her hand out and gestures for Eli to stay where he is. He ignores her and comes to us. “I can explain,” Mom says.

“Then do it,” I demand, before searching my uncle’s eyes for answers. “Did you know?”

“Habibi, it’s not my business. I can’t…your mother has her reasons.”

“Then you did know she was purposely keeping me from him?” I focus my glare back on her. “I lost out on a relationship with my father for three years. Three years,” I shout. “Time I will never be able to get back. Don’t you understand that? Who are you? Who are you to control both my life and his? How could you be so selfish?”

“Hey, Jamie, come on,” Eli says, placing a hand on my arm. “Let her speak.”

She just stands there, swallowing, eyes glistening, like I’m the bad guy. There’s a lot of things I’m not sure about in life, but I know I am not the one in the wrong here.

“Your father chose to walk out on us, Jamie. He left both you and me behind. I stayed and picked up the pieces,” she says, shakily pointing a finger to her chest. “And when I couldn’t do that anymore, I brought us here. That man chose to leave. I begged him to stay. I pleaded with him to get help.”

“Help? Why? Because he couldn’t live up to your expectations? You wanted him to work in a job that was creatively stifling. You expected him to provide. When he decided he couldn’t handle living by your rules, he left. You pushed him away,” I say. “Like you pushed away your parents.”

“That’s not what happened. You’re creating your own version of events and it’s not accurate. I take part of the blame for not telling you the full story, but this isn’t all on me.”

“ Part of the blame? I…can’t even with you. This isn’t just about Dad. It’s about how you try to control me. You’re so afraid I’m going to end up like you or, even worse, be way more successful, that you insert yourself into every facet of my life.”

She closes her eyes and sighs, like my mere presence annoys her. “You’re doing that thing again where you don’t listen and you let your anxiety take over. If you would just pause for a second, breathe, and give me a chance to speak—”

“Let’s go into the living room and sit, okay?” Eli suggests, his big eyes full of hope.

“Just tell me one thing,” I say, ignoring my uncle’s plea. “Did you keep me from working at the camp this summer because you wanted me and Ben to break up?”

“No. That’s not why I kept you apart.”

“Then you admit you did purposely keep us apart?”

She exhales. “I made that decision so you could get some distance and maybe find out who you were outside of Ben. I didn’t want you, in a moment of freedom and passion, screwing up your life by sleeping with him and getting pregnant.”

Silence possesses the house like a ghost as the truth comes to the surface. When Mom looks at me, all she sees is a huge mistake. She’s so worried I’m going to copy and paste her own past that she actually thinks she has the right to play puppet master of my life.

“How could you even think…? That’s not why we wanted to work together.”

“Things happen, Jamie. And as your mother, I couldn’t continue to sit by and watch you grow more and more attached to Ben. I just wanted you to take a breather for a second. Focus on yourself. But all you did while Ben was away was mope around, and when he decided to break up with you, on his own volition, not through anything I said or did, you started dating another guy in 2.3 seconds.”

I shake my head, processing all the lies and half-truths coming out of my mother’s mouth. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What were you even doing at a bar?” she asks, hiking her arms up her chest as Eli continues to dart his eyes between us like a ping-pong ball in an intense match.

I show her the stamp on my hand. “They let minors in. It was Axel’s idea. He orchestrated the big reunion between me and Dad. He probably thought it would make great material for a thirty-second TikTok,” I say, full of spite. Axel doesn’t get how screwed up our family is. And why would he?

“Jamie, you can’t possibly believe that. It was a sweet gesture,” Eli says. “That boy cares deeply for you, and he wanted to reunite you with your father. He probably thought it would make you happy. Please tell me you didn’t get angry at him.”

“Of course I got angry at him. It’s what I do. I don’t know how to be in a normal, healthy relationship because I’ve never been around one,” I say, glaring at Mom.

“Drinks are ready,” Eric calls from the kitchen entryway, seemingly oblivious to the drama unfolding out here. Or maybe he’s giving Eli an out. Okay. So maybe I’ve seen one healthy relationship in my lifetime.

Eli turns to face the kitchen and shakes his head slightly at Eric, who opens his mouth and nods slowly before walking backward into the kitchen. “Where is Axel now?” Eli asks.

“I left him in the parking lot of Kit’s and came home.”

“Jamie,” Eli says. “How could you do that to him?”

I shrug in response as my eyes meet Mom’s. “I guess I learn from the best.” Squeezing past my mother, I race up the steps to my bedroom and slam my door shut.

I hate her!

She kept me from my father.

She tore me and Ben apart.

She planted seeds of doubt in my head about Axel.

I grab my notebook off my nightstand, plop down in bed, and turn to a fresh page. New life goal: get as far away from Nadia Taher as possible—both in distance and personality!!!