Page 63 of Witchblood

“And you are beautiful. More than just a little. Did you know?”

It was my turn to snort. “You might want to have your eyes checked. Can werewolves go blind?”

“Never met one who has. I see just fine. And I see you. All of you. Your mixed heritage that you hate so much. The fire of your hair, and the skin you hate because it’s not white. The ink you use as a shield both metaphysically and physically to warn others away. I see the trauma in your past that makes you doubt every word I say. But do you know what gets me every time I look at you?”

I shook my head, trying to fathom if I could believe all the things he was telling me.

“Your eyes. Huge brown eyes filled with so much eternity.” His gaze was intense, like he really could see into my soul through my eyes.

“They’re just brown. Lots of people have brown eyes.”

Liam used his thumb to trace the outline of my brows and down around my eyes. “Not like yours. You’ve experienced a lot of pain and neglect. Yet your eyes still shine with hope.” He sighed, breathed in deeply and leaned forward to press his forehead to mine. “I’m not sure why this is only going one way. I can feel your uncertainty. Your hesitance. Can’t you feel the truth of my words? I think our bond is supposed to go both ways.”

I tried to think for a minute, see if I could sense anything from him as he seemed to be able to do from me. Only there was nothing. Just me and my ever over-thinking brain. I’d always had an internal wall against the outside world, blocking off emotion because someone was always on the verge of hurting me. Had I blocked Liam off too?

“I was hoping the two of us could figure it out if we had a bit of time. Carl said it would be less muddled with the two of us. But my being an alpha might mess things up a bit. Oberon said the den was important, only he couldn’t tell me why. And your father is clinging to his sanity by a thread. The only woman he ever mated produced the son he now has to destroy and almost killed him with her death.” Liam rubbed my back. “He’s not in a good place mentally, asking him would only add fuel to the fire. I think some parts of his wolf identify you as his. Even if he thinks of you as his son. It’s a battle between them that I hope yourApa’shuman half wins.”

I sucked in a deep breath at that revelation.Apa’swolf thought I was its mate? That couldn’t be right. He’d never looked at me that way. Never said a word to make me think he did. Perhaps it was proof of just how separateApaand his wolf were. No unity, not like he taught young wolves. And then there was Felix. “Felix told me his mother was an omega, but I didn’t knowApahad actually mated her.” No wonderApa’scurrent wife hated talking about any of the Volkov’s children. “He seemed okay last night. Scattered, but okay,” I pointed out.

“I think that was you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You don’t have to. Just be you.”

I scoffed at the idea. The pack had made it clear that I would never be beneficial to them, and especially to the Volkov. After all, what use was a child omega to the most powerful wolf in the world?

“You may not see it, but your father loves you. Everyone sees it when he looks at you. Something about you helps him be in control. I don’t know if it’s the kitsune spirit in you, or just knowing that you, his youngest child, is nearby. That’s why he let you have the camper, and drop out of school to bake, make tea, and study alchemy. That’s why he searched to find you a mate who would interest you more than his destructive son did. He’s always loved you for just being you. Not because of any power you give him.”

I frowned, trying to think of a reasonable rebuttal. But Liam went on, “I think he’s always battled the will of his wolf when it conflicts with your power. Omegas bring peace, but only to those willing to accept it. Your father can’t let his wolf be at peace because it would mean the destruction of both of them. It’s a delicate dance of power, him and his wolf. Which is why I don’t think his affection for you is because of your power. It’s because you’re you. Because you made him tea, and called him father even when you could have run in fear like everyone else does. Why isn’t that enough?” Liam asked.

And wasn’t that the question. The wolf pack had all treated me like they expected something bigger to come from me, and when it didn’t, they beat me down for being weaker than them. I’d always thought it was becauseApahad invested so much time in me, but maybe it was more the kitsune spirit. Had they all known and never told me? Did they hate me so much becauseApaloved me? Or perhaps because I’d kept him sane? His pack had always been twisted in a way. Old wolves, a lot coming to him for the chance to die at the Volkov’s hands. It seemed a lonely existence, and one from whichApahad often tried to keep me separated. Alienated. Alone. Though I wasn’t sure that had ever beenApa’s intent.

My childhood had taught me that if I wasn’t useful, I was worthless. Not because of anythingApadid. More due to how everyone else treated me. If I made a mistake everyone had to know and berate me for it. No one gossiped like a wolf pack. The scrutiny built character,Apa’swife told me more than once. A wrong decision could leave me stranded and alone in a bad situation. I’d spent the last year running from bad decision after bad decision, afraid of more choices, but never at a loss for them. Every road I’d taken had eventually burned until I’d ended up here. Was this just another bad decision? Maybe not just for me, but for Liam also?

“Everything I do, turns out badly,” I spoke my fear. Did he realize what he’d gotten himself into? “I’m some weirdwitchbloodshifter adopted by wolves and raised like every day meant survival of the fittest. I’m messed up. And you’re stuck with me. Fuck. Do you get how bad this is for you?”

“Sebastian,” Liam grumbled, the argument starting in his tone even before he could get his thoughts in place. “You’re so cute.”

“I’m not cute! I’m being serious.”

“You are cute. Especially when you’re being serious.”

I scowled at him. “You have no idea how long I’ll live. You know that half the world of monsters is after me for one reason or another, and that everyone hates me just for being different. By God, why did you ever even want me to show up here? If I were you, I’d have cursed my name and hidden so I could never have found you.” What horrors had I brought down on his pack. This whole thing was my fault, after all, wasn’t it? Felix looking for me, likely ramping up the rogue wolves just for a chance to get back at me.Apawas here in Liam’s territory with Oberon, the second deadliest wolf on the planet. We’d been mated less than a day and Liam’s pack was already falling apart. If I hadn’t feared it would kill me, I might have run from him again, just to save him from all this madness.

“I would never have run from you. You were mine from the second you called for me in the dark. Before I’d seen you, or even knew you were thewitchchild. None of it mattered, and none of those things are things you could control. How others feel about you, how much mayhem follows you, I don’t worry about any of that. Not now that you’re in my arms. We belong together. The schematics will work themselves out.”

My heart hurt, but I wasn’t sure if it was pride or fear. Liam had pretty much told me he loved me, though he barely knew me. Could I utter the words back? No. And I hated myself for it. The mistrust, fear, and self-loathing. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I wasn’t sure it was the truth yet. I felt something for him. Something I’d never experienced before in my life. Sure lust was part of it, but my gut ached at the thought of not seeing him every day. I couldn’t imagine not hearing his stupidhmmagain. Or never having the chance to search those clear blue eyes for truth. If I hadn’t been so broken…

Would he understand? Even I didn’t understand. Sure I’d had it rough for a few years. What didn’t kill a person made them stronger, right? More cynical for sure.

“Liam, I’m trying, I promise,” I told him. Fearing he’d be hurt.

“I understand,” Liam said. Sure he did. Maybe I could make him understand.

“We’re mated,” I reminded him.

“I know.” He sounded pleased by the fact.