Page 55 of Witchblood

“Sort of. He’s a werewolf. I was born a shifter. It’s a little different.” I’d spent my entire life being reminded just how different the two were. “Werewolves aren’t born. They’re made. He was made a werewolf by surviving an attack.” I waved away the question I could see Sean begin to ask. “I don’t know the details of that. You’ll have to ask Dylan when we find him. The attack is always brutal and nearly fatal. Most survivors don’t talk about it much.”

“Past trauma,” Sean mumbled. “Explains a lot.”

I agreed. Wolves in general began a little broken due to the violence of their change. “Werewolves live in a pack structure. Liam is Dylan’s Alpha. He leads the entire pack here in Maple Falls, but there are alphas and packs all over the country. Probably all over the world.” I’d have to ask Robin sometime about the non-American wolves. Did they have someone like the Volkov to lead them? “Right now you are in the pack house. The werewolves have rules in place to keep their secrets. Dylan wasn’t allowed to tell you. In fact, for most wolves, when it’s an order from their alpha, they physically cannot do what they are commanded not to. It’s a bit of magic, I guess. If he tried, he wouldn’t be able to get the words out.” I shrugged, not sure how it worked, though a lot of wolf magic seemed to run toward geas rather than magic spells. It was sort of black and white that way.

“Another pack of werewolves, a rogue pack, took him to distract Liam from protecting me. I’m sorry about that.” I was really sorry. For getting Dylan kidnapped and losing Nicky to only God knew what fate. What about Toby? He’d been missing that night from outside my camper. Had he been taken too? I’d forgotten to ask. So many deaths on my hands. All because I’d chosen the wrong man once upon a time. Would I ever be free of his madness?

I was suddenly freezing again, shivering, anxiety cascading over me so fast I could have drowned in the wave of panic. The fire erupted in my gut again. Cold fire, burning me with ice, crackling from the inside out.

The door opened and Liam stepped inside with a giant plate filled to the brim with sandwiches and several bottles of water tucked under his arms. The sandwiches smelled heavenly but I wasn’t sure I could eat and keep it down.

He set everything on top of the dresser as though he’d done it a million times and then wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t realize I was crying until he soothed away my tears with his thumbs running down my cheeks. My throat hurt, and I struggled to breathe.

“I lost a whole month. Nicky and Dylan…” I blubbered feeling heavy and tired. So fucking tired, guilty, and hopeless. Who was I to think I could save anyone? The Volkov would likely kill both Sean and I now. Nicky was probably already dead, Dylan too. The weight of self-doubt poured over me. I could barely breathe.

His arms became a shield of radiating warmth around me. “Shhh, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

Liam’s arms tightened. His warm breath caressed my face and neck. He swayed a little, as though moving to some unheard tune in his head. His heat surrounded me, while he kissed my face, hair, and ears, whispering words that took me a while to comprehend. That panic attack had come on so fast I hadn’t even noticed it until it was already in full swing. My brain had narrowed to nothing but pain and worthlessness, while Liam whispered about calm and air.

Liam was counting again. In fact, Sean counted with him. Voice soft and careful. The fear and panic began to recede along with the icy fire. I didn’t realize until my lungs finally loosened and I could breathe again, that Sean had been gently rubbing circles over my back and shoulders. I had thought it was Liam, but Liam was holding me too tightly for that. Funny that he didn’t freak out about another man touching me. Perhaps the mating made a difference.

“That was unreal,” Sean whispered after the counting had faded. I lay sprawled like a rag doll in Liam embrace, fire gone. I just didn’t have enough energy to deal with anything right that minute. Why was I so tired? The sex shouldn’t have worn me to the bone, but that was how I felt. Every muscle in my body had turned to jelly. If not for Liam, I’d have been sprawled on the floor helpless and weak as a newborn baby.

“It’s new,” Liam replied.

“The panic attacks or the whole giant fiery fox shadow that surrounded him when it happened?” Sean wanted to know.

“You could see it?” Liam asked. I was so lost. What giant fiery shadow?

“You can’t?”

Liam shook his head against my shoulder. “I can feel it, both through our mating bond and as a werewolf.” He must have heard everything I’d told Sean. I really hoped he wouldn’t undo my good work and kill Sean.

“Mating bond,” Sean said.

“Yes. Sebastian is my mate.”

“I assume that’s more than just the standard boyfriend speak when it comes to werewolves.”

“Our souls are married. Intertwined now that we have bonded.” Liam said. Yes, that was how I felt too. Him wound around my soul. When he touched me it was a near perfect melding. Separated, it was like something else wanted control and gnawed at the bonds.

“Another magic thing? So that’s for real. Dylan is a werewolf?”

“Yes.”

“You can change? He can change? Like what Sebastian showed me?”

“We are nothing like Sebastian.” Liam said.

Those words stung because I’d been hearing them my whole life and never expected to hear them from the man I’d mated to. I tried to muster strength to pull away, but Liam held me tight.

“He’s far beyond anything we could ever be. We are just men who change into raving beasts with a little pack magic thrown in. Werewolves die and turn into monsters who learn to be human. When you watch Sebastian shift it’s like a flower petal opening. Beautiful and natural life. When you watch a werewolf shift you will see fear, horror, and pain. Sebastian is a being of spirit magic. More than wolf or man could ever be. He is light and dark. Fire and ice. Yin and yang. His time away unlocked something that I believe had been buried deep within him.”

“A kitsune? Like a real kitsune of legend? His eyes are Japanese, right down to the color. My grandmother has eyes like that. Windows into eternity. And that shadow… I’ve seen pictures in stories and legends.” Sean let out a long sigh. “I wish Dylan were here to hold me like you’re holding him while I sort this all out in my head. The whole ‘werewolves is real’ thing, is a lot to take. And seeing a real kitsune…They are bad omens sometimes. Tricksters. Mayhem.”

“Mayhem does seem to follow them. Their fault or just an unfortunate circumstance of fate? I prefer the latter. Sebastian never really asks for trouble, it just always finds him,” Liam affirmed.

That at least was true. Trouble found me everywhere I went. All the way across the country and back I’d run into mayhem, if that’s what they wanted to call it. Was that mywitchbloodnature at work? Or bad luck?